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- "“have you ever kissed a comet?” “comets, my darling,” she says, “are notoriously difficult to intercept” ~ kate ~ µ",
"“have you no shame, sir?” “well, who doesn’t enjoy applause? i’m only human” ~ µ",
"“the right to vote, per se, is not a constitutionally protected right.” “the constitution does not, by its terms, grant citizens the right to vote, but leaves the matter entirely to the states.” “constitutional protection for the right to vote must be triggered by a state’s choice to grant the right to its citizens”",
"“tu n’aimes pas les progressifs, n’est-ce pas?” “oui, en effet c’est vrai. ce que vous a donné votre première idée?”",
"“we have many reasons to distrust power. one is that it inevitably violates individual rights through the legalized use of aggressive force against peaceful people. the naked power of tyrants is obvious; but the governments of democratic republics also aggress against their subjects, for example, when they tax them to provide subsidies and bailouts and launch offensive wars. it is no surprise that power attracts the sort of unsavory people who see themselves as qualified to wield it. in a different context adam smith wrote that power ‘would nowhere be so dangerous as in the hands of a man who had folly and presumption enough to fancy himself fit to exercise it’” ~ sheldon richmond, reason.com",
"“. . . the constitution does not constitute us as “platonic guardians,” nor does it vest in this court the authority to strike down laws because they do not meet our standards of desirable social policy, “wisdom,” or “common sense.” we trespass on the assigned function of the political branches under our structure of limited and separated powers when we assume a policymaking role as the court does today” ~ warren e. burger, plyler v. doe",
"“[. . .] constitutional jurisprudence has devolved [. . .] into a mix of policy preferences, political prudence, and legal precedents that long ago departed from the actual words and original meaning of the constitution” ~ stuart taylor jr (sort of)",
"“[television] is a fantastic indoctination device; it is easy to go into receiving mode and shut down critical thinking” ~ black bart",
"“{drama | dying | tragedy} is easy {, | ;} comedy is hard. [and {love | sex} is {damned | darned} near impossible]” ~ gb shaw for the original? if not, who? on writing",
"“conservatives liberals don’t know they don’t know” ~ µ",
"4 out 5 dentists recommend pseudodictionary for all your street-cred needs",
"“a book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“a book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company by the way, a counselor, a multitude of counselors” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“a book is good company. it is full of conversation without loquacity. it comes to your longing with full instruction, but pursues you never” ~ henry ward beecher",
"a chicken and an egg are lying in bed. the chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. the egg mutters to no one in particular, “guess we answered that question” ~ bit.ly/1gnQYRQ",
"“a designer knows he has acheived perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away” ~ antoine de aaint-exupery",
"“a fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim” ~ george santayana",
"a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. …to be great is to be misunderstood” ~ ralph waldo emerson",
"“a fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity” ~ not sigmund freud",
"“a free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government” ~ george washington",
"“a free people … ought to be armed. …firearms are second only to the constitution in importance; they are the peoples’ liberty’s teeth” ~ george washington (false attribution?)",
"“a fundamental tenet of a sane legal system has to be that people caught breaking the law do not benefit from their crimes. corollary: children who come to the united states with their illegal alien parents should not benefit from their parents’ crime. at the same time, justice demands that children not be punished for what their parents do. it’s a dilemma, isn’t it?” ~ µ",
"“a government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take away everything you have” ~ thomas jefferson",
"“a letter like yours rouses my anthropological curiosity, mango. so i’m going to answer your question, asking in return only that you answer one of mine: how does it feel to be the stupidest person on earth? | just kidding, of course. there are boatloads of folks as ignorant as you, and pygmies have historically brought a lot of them out of the woodwork. to take just one example, a pygmy was briefly exhibited in the bronx zoo's monkey house in 1906. | for more, see:http://www.straightdope.com/columns/040220.html” ~ cecil adams, the straight dope",
"“a library is not a luxury but one of the necessities of life” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“a little library, growing every year, is an honorable part of a man’s history. it is a man’s duty to have books” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“a little library, growing larger every year, is an honorable part of a man’s possessions. a library is not a luxury. it is one of the necessities of a full life” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“a little library, growing larger every year, is an honourable part of a man’s history. it is a man’s duty to have books. a library is not a luxury, but one of the necessaries of life” ~ henry ward beecher",
"a man is known by the company he keeps ~ your character is reflected in your choice of enemies ~ bit.ly/1cKy8t8",
"“a man who doesn’t read the news is uninformed, and the man who does is misinformed” ~ mark twain",
"“a moderate amount of friction is a good thing” ~ µ",
"“a mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom” ~ henry ward beecher",
"a new year’s resolution is a promise to yourself that you have no intention of keeping",
"“a person may sign a document by directing that his signature be affixed to it by another” ~ white house office of legal counsel",
"“a person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“a progressive is someone who considers herself to be of an enlightened caste whose conceptions and judgments are more advanced (and thus superior) to mine” ~ ~ roscoe pound",
"“a prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded” ~ abraham lincoln",
"“a promise not kept is an empty promise #148; ~ µ, with no claim of originality",
"“a think tank is a lobby with a doctorate” ~ dan rigney et al.",
"“a thoughtful mind, when it sees a nation’s flag, sees not the flag only, but the nation itself; and whatever may be its symbols, its insignia, he reads chiefly in the flag the government, the principles, the truths, the history which belongs to the nation that sets it forth” ~ henry ward beecher",
"a woman has the last word in any argument. anything a man says after that … is the beginning of a new argument",
"“a word processor telling you something is easy to read doesn’t make it so” ~ µ",
"“abortion is both a commercial enterprise and an ideology” ~ µ",
"“active voice does one thing; passive voice does another. use the one that does what you want to do” ~ µ",
"“'actresses' in the pornographic film industry surely know that faking an orgasm badly does not make them actresses” ~ µ",
"“adversity, if for no other reason, is of benefit, since it is sure to bring a season of sober reflection. people see clearer at such times. storms purify the atmosphere” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“affirmative action reeks of a basketball referee deliberately making a bad call to rectify a previous bad call” ~ µ",
"“affirmative action? jim crow and slavery are history. get over them” ~ µ",
"al gore is to science as jethro bodine is to brain surgery",
"“all persons … born in the allegiance of the united states are natural born citizens” ~ united states v. rhodes, 27 fed. cas. 785 (1866), justice swayne",
"“all propaganda must be popular and its intellectual level must be adjusted to the most limited intelligence among those it is addressed to. …all effective propaganda must be limited to a very few points, and must harp on these slogans until the last member of the public understands what you want him to understand by your slogan” ~ hitler, mein kampf",
"“all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing” ~ ~ edmund burke",
"“all the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom; justice; honor; duty; mercy; hope” ~ sir winston churchill",
"“all things must bow before duty. and duty to family takes precedence over every other fealty save that owed to God alone” ~ © 2013-2014 scott malzahn ellsworth ",
"“all words are pegs to hang ideas on” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“america is not about a safety net. america is the opportunity to fly on the trapeze” ~ tugboat phil",
"“america wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. america was founded so we could all be anything we damn well please” ~ p.j. o’rouke",
"“among the many misdeeds of british rule in india, history will look upon the act depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest” ~ mohandas gandhi",
"“an excellent plumber is infinitely more admirable than an incompetent philosopher. the society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity, and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity, will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy. neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water” ~ gardner, 1961",
"“ann coulter to me is someone who says things that i say all the time, but i say them at three in the morning when i’m drunk as a monkey. she says them at three in the afternoon stone sober in bright daylight” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“anticipation is one of those things that makes life worth living” ~ µ",
"“any woman who thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach doesn’t know what she should about sex” ~ µ",
"“anyone who thinks you can always swim against the current obviously hasn’t tried to do it in a raging river after a torrential rain” ~ µ",
"“anything worth doing is worth overdoing” ~ mick jagger",
"“ardor may not lessen with age, but the heat does” ~ µ",
"“arguing with liberals is like playing chess with a pigeon. no matter how good you are at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, crap on the board, and strut around like it is victorious. being clueless the whole time” ~ cowboy_texas",
"““arms discourage and keep the invader and plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property… horrid mischief would ensue were the law-abiding deprived of the use of them” ~ thomas paine",
"ask a question. interrupt the answer. demand an explanation. interrupt again. change the subject.",
"“at the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats” ~ p.j. o’rourke (tell us what you think, p.j.)",
"“barack obama is, as he says, a blank screen. he is not what many imagine him to be: an honest, caring man” ~ µ",
"“barack obama spends more time serving the financial interests of the democrat party than he does the interests of the american public” ~ µ",
"“be a good parent — learn how to say no” ~ µ",
"“be an island of success in a sea of failure” ~ µ",
"beauty is only skin deep, but liberal goes all the way to the bone",
"beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone",
"“beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” ~ benjamin franklin",
"“being anti-religion is one thing; being anti-God is another” ~ µ",
"“being mediocre isn ’t all bad. you won ’t be bothered by extravagant praise” ~ µ",
"“being smart is good. being tall better, good looking even better. best of all is being lucky” ~ µ",
"“being suited to wear a pointed cap does not make one a pontiff or entitle one to pontificate” ~ µ",
"“believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense” ~ buddha",
"“beware of women with thin lips; seek out and appreciate those with widely spaced eyes” ~ christopher hitchens",
"“big government liberals would have states occupy tiny islands in a sea of federal power. clearly not what the founders intended” ~ ~ supreme court associate justice samuel alito",
"“bite my tongue? surely you jest. that will never happen” ~ µ",
"“blacks good, whites bad. democrats good, republicans bad. liberals good, conservatives bad. women good, men bad” ~ µ",
"“blaming guns for school shootings is like blaming spoon manufacturers for michael moore’s obesity” ~ robert stacy mccain",
"“books are not made for furniture, but there is nothing else that so beautifully furnishes a house” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“books are the windows through which the soul looks out” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“books are the windows through which the soul looks out. a home without books is like a room without windows” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“bringing the government in to run wall street is like saying, “dad burned the dinner, let’s get the dog to cook”” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all” ~ sir winston churchill",
"bust inevitably follows boom",
"“by definition, illegal aliens have no right whatever to be here. . . .” ~ warren e. burger, plyler v. doe",
"“calling an illegal alien an “undocumented migrant” is like calling a drug dealer an “unlicensed pharmacist” ~ dan dougherty on twitter",
"“can the people i can’t live without live without me? only one can’t” ~ µ",
"“can there be any doubt that some border states provide a free public education to mexican children who live in mexico?” ~ µ",
"“capitalize as little as possible. …capital letters are eye-stopping and interrupt the flow of your (hopefully) trenchant prose” ~ joanne ross wilder",
"“clarity is the enemy of the left” ~ internet, several",
"“climate is what you expect; weather is what you get” ~ robert a heinlein",
"“cohabitation is a poor substitute for marriage. flee fornication” ~ paul, 1 corinthians 6:18 (http://3.ly/z8rh)",
"congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the united states that does not apply equally to the senators and sepresentatives and congress shall make no law that applies to the senators and representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the united states",
"“dad, there’s no special grace in being smart” ~ scott ~ µ",
"“dad, your smile looks like a dog snarling” ~ scott ~ µ",
"dating site heads-up: person appearing in photographs may not be actual member",
"“democrats in washington are no more likely to stop runaway spending than barney franks is to stand on the tracks and stop a runaway train” ~ µ",
"“denise richards doesn’t have a clue just how complicated it is” ~ µ",
"“did i lose my wife? no, i know exactly where she is” ~ µ",
"“did you know that dogs have no sense of time? that’s why they wear watches”",
"didn’t einstein say after studying the universe that he had no doubt that God exists? yes, he did. but he also thought his wild head of hair was a good look",
"“do the right thing ~ spike lee & others׆",
"“don’t live your life as if you’re trying to win a gold star ” ~ µ",
"“do you have to talk to be an interesting conversationalist? i’m not sure. but you sure have to listen to be a good one” ~ µ",
"“does character matter?” ~ µ",
"“does grammar matter? me not no” ~ µ",
"“don’t be too impressed by credentials. look at track records instead. can she get the job done?” ~ µ",
"“don’t flatter yourself — nobody cares what you think” ~ µ",
"“don’t go brushhogging without me this afternoon. i wouldn’t wanna miss out” ~ µ",
"“don’t just tell your brother and sister you’re sorry; mean it” ~ mamaw ~ µ",
"“don’t make the mistake of thinking anyone working for a hospice really cares about you or your wife. after all, they do get paid” ~ µ",
"“don’t be too hard on yourself” ~ µ",
"“don’t wake me unless the house is on fire” ~ general rule for a happy marriage followed by hd & melba ~ µ",
"“don’t write on youself” ~ what my young son would say to me as i left for work ~ scott",
"“dying of cirrhosis of the liver in your forties was better than dying of dysentery in your twenties ~ steven johnson",
"“dying is the only good reason to quit learning” ~ µ",
"“each book has a secret history of ways and means” ~ henry ward beecher",
"earth’s loss is heaven’s gain",
"“easy sex and promiscuity cheapen love” ~ µ",
"“education is not a ‘fundamental right’ in the sense that it is constitutionally guaranteed” ~ harry a. blackmun, plyler v. doe",
"“effective use of language is important” ~ eugene volokh",
"“egalitarianism is highly over-rated: some people are better than others” ~ µ",
"“embrace the goat” ~ µ",
"“english grammar, unlike english vocabulary, has nothing to do with latin” ~ bill brohaugh",
"“english speakers have an inalienable right to create new words as they see fit” ~ ~ erin mckean",
"“environmentalists? bah! i can’t help but think there’s something sick about people who sort garbage” ~ µ",
"“every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“every artist dips his brush into his own soul” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“everything i needed to know about islam, i learned on september 11, 2001” ~ kathy shaidle",
"“every tomorrow has two handles. we can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“every writer dips his brush into his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“evil always wins through the strength of its splendid dupes; and there has in all ages been a disastrous alliance between abnormal innocence and abnormal sin” ~ g.k. chesterson",
"“"facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored” ~ aldous huxley",
"“fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son” ~ dean vernon wormer, animal house",
"“feminism is the radical idea that women are people” ~ cheris kramarae & paula preichler",
"“feminists don’t want equality; they want an edge. think of it as reparations for slavery” ~ µ",
"““firearms stand next in importance to the constitution itself. they are the american people’s liberty teeth and keystone under independence … from the hour the pilgrims landed to the present day, events, occurences and tendencies prove that to ensure peace security and happiness, the rifle and pistol are equally indispensable … the very atmosphere of firearms anywhere restrains evil interference — they deserve a place of honor with all that’s good” ~ george washington",
"“flowers are the sweetest things God ever made and forgot to put a soul into” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“football is a sport that bears the same relationship to education that bullfighting does to agriculture” ~ elbert hubbard",
"“for that matter, does matter matter?” ~ µ",
"“forget about precedent — go back to the constitution” ~ judge david b. sentelle",
"“get off the internet and get a life” ~ µ",
"“give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties” ~ john milton",
"“God is not impressionable” ~ µ",
"“God asks no man whether he will accept life. that is not a choice. you must take it. the only question is how” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“God’s wheels of justice turn painfully slow, but they grind exceedingly fine” ~ charles swindoll",
"“government programs, once launched, never disappear. actually, a government bureau is the nearest thing to eternal life we’ll ever see on this earth” ~ ronald reagan",
"“grace always trumps pedantry” ~ jack lynch",
"“gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right using of strength; and strength is not used rightly when it serves only to carry a man above his fellows for his own solitary glory. he is the greatest whose strength carries up the most hearts by the attraction of his own” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“harry reid would blow a dead goat for a vote” ~ from an internet forum",
"“have a good reason for starting a sentence with a conjunction” ~ µ",
"“he does soliloquies, not conversations” ~ µ",
"“he listens well who takes notes” ~ dante",
"“heart and soul matter” ~ µ",
"“hello, american sailor. hello, freedom man ~ refugee about to be rescued and taken aboard the uss midway in the early 1980s",
"“hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you. never excuse yourself. never pity yourself. be a hard master to yourself — and be lenient to everybody else” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone else expects of you. never excuse yourself” ~ henry ward beecher",
"homicide is not always illegal; murder is always illegal",
"“how smart am i? too smart to take an intelligence test to find out” ~ µ",
"“how to tell if you’re a leftist: your homeowners’ association covenants are sacred documents you vow to uphold, but the constitution is a living document” ~ µ",
"“http://www2.law.ucla.edu/volokh/errors.pdf” ~ µ",
"“i am a journalist and, under the modern journalist’s code of olympian objectivity (and total purity of motive), i am absolved of responsibility” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“i can forgive, but i cannot forget, is only another way of saying, i will not forgive. forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note — torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“i come in peace. i didn’t bring artillery. but i’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: if you fuck with me, i’ll kill you all” ~ marine corps major general james mattis",
"“i’d much rather deal with a surly man than a surly woman” ~ µ",
"“i didn’t spend enough time with my children when i was growing up” ~ µ",
"“i do not believe that soviet russia desires war. what they desire is the fruits of war and the indefinite expansion of their power and doctrines” ~ sir winston churchill, 1946 fulton, missouri, iron curtain speech",
"“i do not know what i may appear to the world, but to myself i seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a prettier shell or a smoother pebble than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me” ~ isaac newton",
"“i don’t care what you say about me, just spell my name right” ~ p.t. barnum",
"“i don’t get women. however you take that, it’s true — i don’t get women” ~ µ",
"“i don’t go by black and white. i go by right and wrong” ~ vito sbvrati ~ µ",
"i don’t know",
"“i don’t know about you, but i find all the talk about collective good and community combined with so little talk about indivudualism disturbing” ~ µ",
"“i don’t know you, but i’m sure i’d hate you if i did” ~ µ",
"“i don’t own a gun because if i did, I’d definitely shoot someone” ~ µ",
"“i don’t think we#146;re going to get along” ~ melba, as we got in the car on our first date",
"“i don’t want to ‘just do it.’ i want to do it again. better the next time” ~ µ",
"i have hammers that are smarter than my neighbors",
"“i know a good phrase when i see one” ~ µ",
"“i know good writing when i see it” ~ µ",
"“i know we’re termites. but if all the termites got together, the house would fall down” ~ florynce r kennedy",
"“i love these members, they get up and say, ‘read the bill,’ conyers said in a July 24, 2009 speech at the national press club. ‘what good is reading the bill if it’s a thousand pages and you don’t have two days and two lawyers to find out what it means after you read the bill?’ said conyers.”",
"“i need some incentive” ~ alec ~ µ",
"“i never knew how to worship until i knew how to love” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“i picked a peach: melba” ~ µ",
"“i refuse to be a victim” ~ scott ~ µ",
"“i regret to say that we of the fbi are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce” ~ j. edgar hoover, attributed",
"“i remember hunkering for some reason at a pep rally at the greek theater at the university of arkansas” ~ µ",
"“i think of you every day and smile. i want you to think of me. and smile” ~ µ",
"i voted for obama to prove I wasn’ a racist. now i wonder who i can vote for to prove i’m not an idiot",
"“i want to be governed by laws, not lawyers” ~ µ",
"“i wasn’t worth her spit” ~ sam clayton, bite the bullet",
"“i wouldn’t recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they’ve always worked for me” ~ hunter s thompson",
"“i wouldn’t trust two people to carry the penny from here to the bank” ~ melba",
"“i wouldn’t want to be a lawyer or a politician, not even president of the united states. but i’d love to be on the supreme court” ~ µ",
"“i write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk” ~ h.l. mencken",
"i’d rather have a gun owner as a neighbor than a journalist",
"“i’d rather deal with a surly man than a surly woman” ~ µ",
"“i’d shoot them all if I could, but then they’d be sending their dispatches from hell the next day” ~ union general william tecumseh sherman, on correspondents",
"“i’ll be happy to stay out of your bedroom when you take your hand out of my pocket",
"“i’ll never apologize for the united states of america. ever. i don’t care what the facts are” ~ vice president george h.w. bush",
"“i’ll take a two-spaces-after-a-period girl over a modern girl every time” ~ µ",
"“i’ll take an old-fashioned prescriptivist dictionary over a modern-day descriptivist dictionary every time” ~ µ",
"“i’ll take an old-fashioned two-spaces-after-a-period girl over a modern-day if-it-feels-good-do-it girl every time” ~ µ",
"“‘i’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you wart-faced baboon’ ~ westley, the princess bride (1987)",
"“i’m filling time and killing time. to keep time from killing me” ~ µ",
"“i’m not listening. i know everything. i’m always right” ~ µ",
"“i’m not so sure chicago has a ‘a longstanding civic inferiority complex’” ~ µ",
"“i’m not worth her spit. i’m not putting myself down:.no man is” ~ µ",
"“i’ve been a lucky, lucky man. i don’t know about you, but i married up” ~ µ",
"i’ve scraped better stuff off the bottom of my shoes",
"“i’ve seen better go for a bar of soap” ~ frank e.j. jeffries",
"“i’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. attack ships on fire off the shoulder of orion. i watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the tannhauser gate. all those moments will be lost in time … like tears in rain. …time to die” ~ android roy batty, blade runner",
"“if a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all his thinking, damages his personality, makes him landlord to a ghost” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“if a man wants to climb everest and falls short of it by 100 yards, he has not climbed everest” ~ andré weil",
"if a tree falls in a forest, is it still the husband’s fault?",
"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? If an unemployed person quits looking for a job, is she still unemployed?",
"if all the companies listed with the new york stock exchange — the largest in the world — were sold in their entirety at current stock prices, it would not be enough to pay off the national debt",
"“if any state shall have provided, by laws enacted prior to the day fixed for the appointment of the electors, for its final determination of any controversy or contest concerning the appointment of all or any of the electors of such state, by judicial or other methods or procedures, and such determination shall have been made at least six days before the time fixed for the meeting of the electors, such determination made pursuant to such law so existing on said day, and made at least six days prior to said time of meeting of the electors, shall be conclusive, and shall govern in the counting of the electoral votes as provided in the constitution, and as hereinafter regulated, so far as the ascertainment of the electors appointed by such state is concerned” ~ united states code, presidential elections",
"“if congress has the power to force us into an activity we do not want to participate in by taxing us for that inactivity, there are no limits to what congress can do to us by labeling the punishment a tax” ~ is.gd/f2P7ra",
"“if democrats thought illegal aliens would vote for republicans, they wouldn’t be in favor of putting them on a path to citizenship — in the process rewarding them for their bad behavior — not just bad behavior, illegal behavior” ~ µ",
"“'if ever a court was guilty of an unabashedly result-oriented approach, this case is a prime example. …by definition, illegal aliens have no right whatsoever to be here, and the state may reasonably, and constitutionally, elect not to provide them with governmental services at the expense of those who are lawfully in the state. …were it our business to set the nation’s social policy, i would agree without hesitation that it is senseless for an enlightened society to deprive any children — including illegal aliens — of an elementary education. i fully agree that it would be folly — and wrong to tolerate [the] creation of a segment of society made up of illiterate persons, many having a limited or no command of our language” ~ chief justice warren e. burger, plyler v. doe",
"“if everyone likes you, it may be because you’re weak and aren’t a threat” ~ µ",
"“if everything you touched turned into skittles®, it would be annoying” ~ melba",
"if ghandi had been taking on the soviet union rather than the british empire, we’d never had heard his name",
"“if guns cause murders, then forks cause obesity” ~ doug schexnayder",
"if he fell into a barrel of tits, he’d come up sucking his own thumb",
"“if i am your enemy, the fault lies with you, not with me” ~ µ",
"if it is mechanical, it will break; if it is human, it will fail",
"“if it takes force to impose your ideas on your fellow man, there is something wrong with your ideas. if you are willing to use force to impose your ideas on your fellow man, there is something wrong with you” ~ mark fournier",
"if it’s not objective, it’s not science",
"“if managers didn’t take credit for work done by others, what would they take credit for?” ~ larry mueller",
"“if men and women are truly equal, why does the law provide special protections for women that are not provided for men?” ~ µ",
"“if men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“if this is a legal, necessary step to re-elect the president who saved the auto industry, reformed health care, is winding down two stupidly run wars, and kept the economy from sliding into a depression, i’ll keep the change, thank you. his pragmatism gives me hope for this november.” ~ rogerb aka urban elitist on february 7, 2012 at 1:35 pm",
"“if those who oppose abortion are “pro-life,” then surely those who favor abortion are “pro-death”” ~ µ",
"“if you become angry, count to four. if you become very angry, swear” ~ mark twain",
"“if you break the government, you break the people” ~ µ",
"“if you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words” ~ philip k. dick",
"“if you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed” ~ mark twain",
"“if you do not object to what someone says or does, you can be assumed to agree with or condone it” ~ µ",
"“if you don't teach your children to hate evil, you’re not doing right by them” ~ µ",
"“if you know what’s good for you … do it” ~ µ",
"“if you live long and prosper, expect some suffering along the way” ~ µ",
"“if you lower your expectations, girls, there’ll definitely be some guy who’ll come along and live down to them” ~ µ",
"“if you make an issue of it, a non-issue becomes an issue” ~ µ",
"“if you make people think they’re thinking, they’ll love you; but if you really make them think, they’ll hate you” ~ harlan ellison",
"“if you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun” ~ katherine hepburn",
"“if you say it loud enough, maybe no one will notice that you’re wrong” ~ µ",
"“if you think anita hill didn’t commit perjury, you must be a liberal” ~ µ",
"“if you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“if you want to be offended, you can always find something to be offended about” ~ µ",
"“if you want to make a conservative mad, tell her a lie; if you want to make a liberal mad, tell her the truth” ~ rush limbaugh",
"“if you’re able to do it, do it” ~ µ",
"“if you’re doing something bad, would you want to do it well?” ~ µ",
"“if your bed has plastic sheets, your mattress will stay dry even if you don’t” ~ µ",
"“if your mother says she loves you, check it out” ~ david poole, charlotte observer",
"“in a man-to-man fight, the winner is he who has one more round in his magazine” ~ erwin rommel",
"“in ninety-nine out of a hundred films, if nothing has happened by the end of the first reel … nothing is going to happen” ~ ocscar brotman, chicago film exhibitor, as related by roger ebert, film cirtic extra ordinaire",
"“in pondering your esoteric cogitations, or articulating superficial sentimentalities and philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. let your conversation possess a clarified conciseness, compacted comprehensibleness, coalescent consistency, and a concatenated cogency. eschew all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations. let your extemporaneous descantings and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility, without rhodomontade or thrasonical bombast. sedulously avoid all polysyllabical profundity, pompous prolixity, and ventriloquial vapidity. Shun double-entendre and prurient jocosity, whether obscure or apparent. in other words, speak truthfully, naturally, clearly, purely, but do not use large words” ~ notes and queries, 11 feb 1893 & ~the pennsylvania school journal of 1874 (and very likely earlier)",
"“in this world it is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“individuals are entitled to the right of anonymous free speech, [but] this right is clearly limited when abused” ~ idaho judge john luster",
"“inundate me” ~ µ",
"irony is lost on the stupid",
"“is it too much to ask judges to rely on the exercise of judgment rather than on personal preferences?” ~ µ",
"“is it unfair to mock someone for not knowing something she has no reason to know? yes, it is” ~ µ",
"“is ours a better and stronger country now that what was once considered morally repellent — abortion, homosexuality, promiscuity — is seen as healthy, natural, normal, progressive? are we a better and stronger people?” ~ ~ pat buchanan",
"“is that a dictionary in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?” ~ µ",
"“is the brouhaha about free contraceptives for women really about women@#146;s health? or is it really about sex without the burden of love or the threat of chlldren?” ~ µ",
"“is the juice worth the squeeze?” ~ supreme court justice antonin scalia",
"“is there a condition you would insist had to be met?” ~ µ",
"“is this a good pick-up line? ‘enough about me, tell me about you’” ~ µ",
"“islam and modernity are a contradiction in terms ~ baron bodissey, gates of vienna blog",
"“it doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses” ~ mrs. patrick campbell",
"“it is a waste of time to speak to a crowd in a language no one understands” ~ ~ logofascination",
"“it is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat” ~ teddy roosevelt",
"“it is posssible to be wrong about most of your facts but still be right” ~ µ",
"it is probably linguistically inaccurate (and it certainly is bad manners) to upbraid someone who refers to “a bunch of ravens” by saying, “surely you mean ‘an unkindness of ravens,’ my good fellow”",
"“it is the duty of courts to be watchful for the constitutional rights of the citizens, and against any stealthy encroachments thereon. their motto should be obsta principiis” ~ hale v. henkel, dissent",
"“it’s about equality only if it works to the advantage of females” ~ µ",
"“it’s an awful day — i wish i could spend it with you” ~ µ",
"“it’s better to be happy if you can be” ~ µ",
"“it’s easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“it’s easy to be a critic, but considerably more difficult to be a constructive critic” ~ µ",
"“it’s hard to tell the difference between talk about politics and talk about professional wrestling” ~ melba",
"“it’s impossible to under-appreciate nancy pelosi or harry reid” ~ µ",
"“it’s in the nature of slang to be evanescent” ~ michael quinion",
"“it’s later than you think. dance and smile while you can” ~ µ",
"“it’s merely a myth that between must be used for only two items” ~ the chicago manual of style",
"“it’s not enough to use the right words — you have to use them in the right order” ~ µ",
"“it’s not idle hands that are the devil’s playthings, it’s idle minds” ~ µ",
"it’s not largesse when the government spends the taxpayers’ money — or puts it on a credit card",
"it’s ok to be a little paranoid. someone somewhere is out to get you",
"“it’s the nature of the beast” ~ µ",
"“it’s the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the m-16s. liberals would still be fumbling with the federally mandated trigger locks” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“it’s unnecessary for me to tell you how high my regard for you is. but i’ll do it, anyway: you’re top shelf” ~ µ",
"“ it is not enough to know what to say -- one must know how to say it ~ aristotle",
"“jim’s not advanced enough to be a fifth grader. he”s still in the sandbox, looking for playmates ~ melba",
"journalists are rank, right up there with politicians",
"“judges can always find a way of making the decision they want to make, for reasons that have little to do with constitutional law and much to do with the ideological leanings of the judges” ~ howard zinn",
"“just because an idea appeals to a lot of people doesn’t mean it’s wrong. but that’s a good working theory” ~ john tierney",
"“keep it clean” ~ µ",
"“kinky is using a feather. perverted is using the whole chicken” ~ µ",
"lack of hair around the anus makes it impossible to pass gas silently",
"“language dies if we don’t invent new words” ~ ~ victor hugo",
"“language is a living thing and dies if we don’t invent words” ~ ~ victor hugo",
"“language should never evolve through ignorance” ~ northernchaosgod on a forum ",
"“laugh off my scenario as apocalyptic nonsense at your peril” ~ µ",
"““laws that forbid the carrying of arms... disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes... such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man” ~ thomas jefferson",
"“leaders inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more” ~~john quincy adams",
"“learn something new every day” ~ µ",
"“leftists argue that christian theology should be discounted as having moral authority. if that’s the case, we should discount classical philosophy as well” ~ µ",
"“lessons i’ve learned: don’t be long-winded. don’t be boring. friends are different — they’ll like you even if you are long-winded & boring. but they may avoid you” ~ µ",
"“let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty ” ~ president john fitzerald kennedy, january 20, 1961",
"“let your words be your exclamation points” ~ µ",
"“let’s not and say we did” ~ melba",
"liberalism rots your brain",
"“liberals have “a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers” ~ ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“life in lubbock, texas, taught me two things: one is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. the other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love” ~ butch hancock",
"“life is a stacked deck” ~ µ",
"life’s too short to watch bad movies",
"“look. kroger’s selling dead turtles” ~ what scott said one thanksgiving upon seeing an ad for a criss-crossed ham ~ scott",
"“looking back is about all i have to look forward to” ~ µ",
"“love cannot endure indifference. it needs to be wanted. a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another’s heart, or its flame burns low” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“love many, trust few, & always paddle your own canoe” ~ terri, cloudport, pennsylvania",
"“lying is a symptom of liberalism” ~ µ",

e.g., "machiavellean rule #7: don’t ambush the reader",
"machiavellean’s adjunct to orlando’s dictum: you never want to have government stickybeaks involved in your business. next thing you know, it will be their business",
"machiavellean’s second dictum of writing: if you write anything non-trivial, you will be misunderstood",
"machiavellean’s take on “don’t count your chickens before they hatch”: “you’re a lot less likely to be disappointed in life if you don’t set your sights high prematurely”",
"machiavellean’s third dictum of writing: don’t use exclamation points! let your readers be the judge of whether or not what you write is worthy of a wow reaction",
"“make every word count” ~ µ",
"“marriage is not a right guaranteed by the constitution” ~ µ",
"“marry up, son. marry up. best thing you can ever do for yourself is to marry up” ~ foghorn leghorn",
"“maureen dowd is both fact and logic-proof: neither can gain purchase on her grey matter” ~ scott ~ µ",
"“may you be blessed with a woman who shares your life and owns your heart” ~ unremembered author",
"“may you dance the streets of heaven and touch the face of God” ~ ~ cuthbert hicks",
"“melba was the best thing that ever happened to me” ~ µ",
"“melba was the best thing that ever happened to me — and i let her slip away one night” ~ µ",
"“memory is relative of truth but not its twin” ~ ~ barbara kinsolver",
"“men wake up aroused in the morning. we can’t help it. we just wake up and we want you. and the women are thinking, “how can he want me the way i look in the morning?” it’s because we can’t see you. we have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve” ~ andy rooney",
"“men’s best successes come after their disappointments” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“mercy to the guilty is cruelty to the innocent” ~ scottish philosopher adam smith (1723-1790)",
"“mike, you’ll be dead before you’re perfect” ~ jp evans, esq.",
"“mike, you're flirting and you don't even know it” ~melba",
"“miracles are God’s way of letting you know who is in control” ~ ann parks english",
"mom was wrong when she told you to finish what you start: life’s too short to watch bad movies — or to read a bad book",
"money can’t buy happiness — but you can rent it",
"“ monica lewinsky did not become famous by keepint her mouth shut” ~ µ",
"more people have died from kennedy family negligence than from all of the nuclear power plant accidents in the US combined",
"“mr. reid … points to a bill the senate passed that extended tax cuts on families making $250,000 or less, but lets tax rates rise on others. that bill, however, originated in the senate, which puts it in violation of the constitution, which requires all revenue measures to start in the house.” why let a little thing like the constitution stand in the way?",
"“my defense? fox news made me do it” ~ µ",
"“my output exceeds my accuracy” ~ joe duffy",
"“my problem is not so much how to say things as it is how much to say” ~ µ",
"“my wife used to pluck her eyebrows every day. since she’s no longer able to hold tweezers, i’ve gone from fucker to plucker” ~ micro;",
"“nature did not design us all to be nest-builders” ~ christopher hitchens",
"“never buy anything from anyone who’s out of breath” ~ david carradine",
"“never confuse the reviews with the box office” ~ ronald reagan",
"“never forget what a man says to you when he is angry” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“never give in. never give in. never, never, never, never — in nothing, great or small, large or petty — never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. never yield to force. never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy” ~ sir winston churchill, harrow school, october 29, 1941",
"“never stop learning” ~ µ",
"“never under-estimate the value of having fun” ~ µ",
"“next time i’m dying, don’t be flirting with other women” ~ melba",
"“no acts of terror will ever shake the resolve of this great nation, alter that character, or eclipse the light of the values that we stand for. today we mourn four more americans who represent the very best of the united states of america. we will not waver in our commitment to see that justice is done for this terrible act. and make no mistake, justice will be done” ~ barack hussein obama, 44th president of the united states of america, september 12, 2012",
"“no emotion, any more than a wave, can long retain its own individual form” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“no extraordinary mind is free of a touch of insanity” ~ aristotle",
"“no man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money” ~ samuel johnson",
"“no man can tell whether he is rich or poor by turning to his ledger. it is in the heart that makes a man rich. he is rich according to what he is, not according to what he has” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“no man is more cheated than the selfish man” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“no man is sane who does not know how to be insane on the proper occasions” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“no man who is not willing to help himself has any right to apply to his friends, or to the gods” ~ demosthenes",
"“no matter how bad things may get in my life, at least i’m not keith olbermann” ~ µ",
"“no matter how cool, good-looking, and smart you think you are, one of these days you’re going to look dated and stupid when a younger generation sees your pictures and videos. that goes for what you’ve written as well” ~ µ",
"no matter how good the walls and the materials are; if the foundations are not strong, the building will not stand. by and by, in some upper room, a crack will appear; and men will say:",
"“no matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens” ~ abraham lincoln",
"“no matter how old you get, never quit having fun” ~ µ",
"“no matter what he tells ya’, kid, bedbugs are not your friends” ~ µ",
"“no matter what you may think, racism is legal” ~ µ",
"“no one wants to be the butt of the cool kids’ jokes ~ andrew klavan",
"“no prophet who says something plain is given much credence. …people don’t want something they can understand” ~ wretchard",
"“no, goddamn it. not “in other words.” if i had wanted to use other words, i’d have used them” ~ tom padgett",
"“nobody has to tell you when it’s right” ~ µ",
"“nostalgia is one of those things that makes life worth living” ~ µ",
"“not every picture is worth a thousand words” ~ µ",
"“not the worms. please, God, no. anything but the worms” ~ µ",
"note on english usage for anyone having trouble deciding whether to use dear or deer: one may legally be shot and mounted, while you mount the other before you shoot",
"“nothing is better settled at the common law than the doctrine that the children, even of aliens, born in a country, while the parents are resident there under the protection of the government, and owing a temporary allegiance thereto, are subjects by birth” ~ inglis v. trustees of sailor’s snug harbor, 28 u.s. 99 (1830)",
"“nothing is going on in your life? twitter’s for you” ~ µ",
"“nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory” ~ franklin pierce adams",
"“now comes the mystery! (last words)” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“obama is a whiner. he employs people who complain, and the totality of his approach to the world is based on whining and complaint. everything is someone else’s fault in his world. he functions as a man who has never or rarely had anyone tell him the truth about himself or question his “good intentions.” obama, it’s time to grow up” ~ scott ott,pjmedia, march 10, 2015",
"“obama wants to turn us into a nation of butt-sniffers” ~ µ",
"“of all the music that reached farthest into heaven, it is the beating of a loving heart” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. it may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. the robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep … but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” ~ c s lewis",
"of course",
"“of course, but what do you think about that” ~ µ",
"“on the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog” ~ peter steiner cartoon, the new yorker, july 5, 1993",
"“once an ill can be patiently borne it is robbed of its poison if not its pain” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“one has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool” ~ george orwell",
"“one of life’s little pleasures is the safisfaction i get from saying i told you so” ~ µ",
"“one person with a belief is equal to a force of 99 who have only interests” ~ john stuart mill",
"“only the mediocre are always at their best” ~ jean giraudou",
x "“only the strong survive? no, the strong don’t survive either” ~ µ",
"“opprobrium no longer attaches itself to fornication between consenting adults” ~ µ",
"“our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. it is wholly inadequate to the government of any other” ~ john adams",
"“our government teaches the whole people by its example. If the government becomes the lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy” ~ louis d. brandeis",
"“our right to free expression is not determined by the words of the constitution or the decisions of the supreme court, but by who has the power in the immediate situation where we want to exercise our rights” ~ howard zinn",
"“ours is not the greatest nation in the history of the world because of our diversity, but because of our individual liberties” ~ ~ mark levin",
"“out of error comes knowledge” ~ michael quinion",
"pedophiles need love, too. and so do cockroaches (is.gd/m8LuQv)",
"“pelvic thrusts are all the rage in cheerleading routines, little girl’s dance recitals, and music videos — not to mention bullfighting. can they be far behind in women’s tennis?” ~ µ",
"“peos don’t say no” ~ µ",
"“persons who are born in a country are generally deemed citizens and subjects of that country” ~ story, conflict of laws, § 48",
"please enter the word you see in the image below",
"“political language — and with variations this is true of all political parties [...] — is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind” ~ george orwell, “politics and the english language”",
"politicians lie. those who don’t lie exaggerate. those who don’t exaggerate don’t get elected. Q.E.D.",
"politics is show business for unattractive people",
"“president obama may have gotten osama bin laden, but he didn’t kill the ideology” ~ mark bassely youssef via steven seiden, his lawyer",
"“potential doesn’t mean a thing. you’ve got to do it. almost every baby in a crib has more potential than I do” ~ hank chinaski/charles bukowski, women",
"“pride slays thanksgiving … a prideful man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves” ~ henry ward beecher",
"profanity at times shows a lack of creativity or vocabulary. other times it’s just another form of expression",
"project cloverleaf: at night, giant planes with no pilots roam the sky over the united states. instead of a mere vapor trail, they are filling the sky with unknown chemicals designed to darken the earth",
"“principal talks too much; principle talks too little” ~ µ",
"“promises are made to be broken; commitments are made to be kept” ~ µ",
"pseudodictionary hopes you use your increased vocabulary to fight evol",
"pseudodictionary was shown to increase the iq’s of 34% of the lab rats in the control group",
"pseudodictionary, a drink for all ages",
"pseudodictionary. that’s the ticket. yeah, pseudodictionary",
"“public education is not a ‘right’ granted to individuals by the constitution” ~ william j. brennan, plyler v. doe",
"“public sentiment is everything. with public sentiment, nothing can fail; without it nothing can succeed” ~ abraham lincoln",
"punctuate only for clarity or effectiveness",
"quentin tarantino is to orson welles as snoop dogg is to beethoven",
"“racism is a set of beliefs about the inferiority or superiority of a race, not just mere words. words alone cannot be racist” ~ ~ francis w. porretto",
"“rain! whose soft architectural hands have power to cut stones, and chisel to shapes of grandeur the very mountains” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“rather than “free transactions between free people” — always suspect — it is better that the government take whatever it wants from the people and use the proceeds to provide what it believes the people should have” ~ antony davies, the daily caller",
"“reader perception is an important reality that careful writers should keep in mind” ~ eugene volokh",
"“referring to illegal aliens as “immigrants” is like as referring to shoplifters as “shoppers” ~ dorvinion",
"“rehab doesn’t work with people who think their God wants them to kill you” ~ col ralph peters",
"“remember me, morey amsterdam” ~ µ",
"“riot is essential to patriotism” ~ µ",
"“rule #1: if i’m asleep, don’t wake me unless the house is on fire” ~ µ",
"“sagacity is beyond my capacity” ~ µ",
"“saying it’s guns or the movies’ fault that the aurora shooting occurred is like saying it’s hooters’ fault your husband likes boobs” ~ thomas jefferson @amazon",
"“school is free. libraries are free. tv is free. if you’re still stupid, it’s your own fault” ~ kathy shaidle",
"“search for me with all your heart and you will find me … waiting for you” ~ jeremiah 29:13",
"“seek not trouble; trouble will find you” ~ µ",
"“seek wisdom elsewhere” ~ µ",
"“seventy is the new sixty? really? doesn’t feel that way to me” ~ µ",
"“sex is interesting, but it’s not totally important. i mean it’s not even as important as excretion. a man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement” ~ charles bukowski",
"“sex is mostly friction” ~ µ",
"“sex makes you crazy” ~ µ",
"“sex without commitment is like instruments without music” ~ µ",
"“… sexual activity of heterosexual couples has a fundamental role in producing future members of the society, [while] that of same-sex couples does not have a role in society as it does not produce offspring” ~ maltese bishop charles j scicluna",
"“she makes me feel like i’m the luckiest man in the world” ~ µ",
"“she was too good to me; she was too good for me. i wasn’t worth her spit” ~ µ",
"“show up on time, keep your mouth shut, do your job, go home” ~ µ",
"“simply stated, all illegal aliens are criminal aliens. by definition. period. q.e.d.” ~ µ",
"“since there’s no way for you to know for sure that there’s no God, why take a chance on pissing Her off?” ~ µ",
"skepticism is the duty of the scientist: about his own results and about the results of others",
"small acts of bad behavior will invariably spawn larger acts of evil if they benefit the one who behaves badly and they’re overlooked",
"“smart you are” ~ µ",
"snipers wear diapers",
"“so many people are offended by split infinitives that it is better to avoid them such people” ~ is.gd/GWmAlC",
"“some of the best things in life are frivolous” ~ bart hunter (arthur kennedy), a summer place (1959)",
"“something you don’t want to share: your electric nose hair trimmer” ~ µ",
"“sometimes it makes a difference whether you use ‘some time’ or ‘sometime’” ~ µ",
"“sometimes it’s best just to keep your mouth shut” ~ µ",
"“sometimes it’s not what happened that counts; it’s what you remember” ~ µ",
"“science is the belief in the ignorance of the experts” ~ richard feynman",
"“songs are the sound tracks of our lives” ~ roger ebert",
"“spaces are the pregnant pauses of writing” ~ µ (?)",
"“tack a fancy name on louses and they still are louses” ~ the pj tatler",
"““take time every day to laugh, to think, to cry” ~ jim valvano",
"talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand",
"“talk to me, not at me. listen to me, not at me” ~ µ",
"“teach me how to learn and i’ll take it from there” ~ µ",
"“tears are often the telescope by which men see far into heaven” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“tequila makes your head hurt. not from your hangover. from falling over and hitting your head” ~ john wayne, as told by gene siskel",
"“thank God for republican “obstructionists”; otherwise, an expansive government could tell us to do anything” ~ µ (?)",
"“that’s the good thing about being president, i can do whatever i want” ~ barack hussein obama, 44th president ot the united states",
"“the ability to convert ideas to things is the secret to outward success” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“the american political system is like a gigantic mexican christmas fiesta. each political party is a huge pinata — a papier-mache donkey, for example. the donkey is filled with full employment, low interest rates, affordable housing, comprehensive medical benefits, a balanced budget, and other goodies. the american voter is blindfoled and given a stick. ahe voter then swings the stick wildly in every direction, trying to hit a political candidate on the head and knock some sense into the silly bastard” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"““the american president seems to have forgotten a few details. the most important trigger of the financial and economic crisis was u.s. banks and their insane real-estate dealings. the u.s. is still piling up debt. …the american congress is crippled by a battle between the right and the left. the banks are gambling just as recklessly as they did before the crisis. the president’s scolding is a pathetic attempt to distract attention from his own failures. how embarrassing” ~ bild, the german newspaper",
"“the ap style guide favors saving characters over correctness for the sake of saving printing costs and|or making more information fit on a page, at times sacrificing clarity. the ap style guide should only be used for people writing for the ap, and not as a general guide to english composition” ~ commenter apotheon, goo.gl/DfYHu",
"“the arrogance of liberals must never be underestimated: liberals think they can never be wrong” ~ paul roebling",
"“the art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things” ~ henry ward beecher",
"the bigger the government, the smaller the people",
"the british government forecasts that global warming will lead to 6,000 fewer deaths a year by 2020",
"the cock crowed, then the sun came up. therefore, the cock’s crowing caused the sun to come up",
"“the constitution does not provide a cure for every social ill, nor does it vest judges with a mandate to try to remedy every social problem. moreover, when this court rushes in to remedy what it perceives to be the failings of the political processes, it deprives those processes of an opportunity to function. when the political institutions are not forced to exercise constitutionally allocated powers and responsibilities, those powers, like muscles not used, tend to atrophy. today&146;s cases, i regret to say, present yet another example of unwarranted judicial action which, in the long run, tends to contribute to the weakening of our political processes” ~ warren e. burger, plyler v. doe",
"“the constitution is not a document for the government to restrain the people: it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government — lest it come to dominate our lives and our interests” ~ patrick henry",
"“the constitution shall never be construed … to prevent the people of the united states who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms” ~ samuel adams",
"“the desire for power and status always trumps ideology” ~ instapundit",
"“the difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will and the other from a strong won’t” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“the difference between perseverance and obstinacy is, that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“the distance between the message sent and the message received is an ocean of context” ~ scott ~ µ",
"“the democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not” ~ thomas jefferson",
"“the english language is a work-in-progress” ~ christopher buckley",
"“the great object of an incorporation is to bestow the character and properties of individuality on a collective and changing body of men. …that corporations are, in law, for civil purposes, deemed persons, is unquestionable” ~ hale v. henkel, dissent",
"“the hand that cradles the rock rules the world” ~ ~ clare booth luce",
"“the individual does not exist to serve government; government exists only to protect the rights of the individual” ~ ~ ce branscum” "“the individual citizen has no federal constitutional right to vote for electors for the president of the united states unless and until the state legislature chooses a statewide election as the means to implement its power to appoint members of the electoral college” ~ bush v. gore",
"“the indolent mind is not empty, but full of vermin” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“the limits of my language are the limits of my mind. all I know is what I have words for” ~ ludwig wittgenstein",
"“the love of learning; the sequestered nooks and all the sweet serenity of books” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“the more things change, the more they remain the same: “access from mexico into this country, across our 2,000-mile border, is readily available and virtually uncontrollable” ~ lewis f. powell, jr., plyler v. doe",
"the most effective way to stifle democracy is to transfer decision-making from the public arena to unaccountable institutions: activist judges, human rights tribunals, parliamentary committees, civil service bureaucrats, and political party hacks",
"“the older i get the more i enjoy making people happy. it’s not always easy” ~ µ",
"“the older i get, the longer my earlobes become” ~ µ",
"“the older i get, the longer my tomes become” ~ µ",
"“the older i get, the more precious my time is. you have no idea how many times i’ve told young whippersnappers in the last few years how much more precious time is to me than it is to them. i’ve likened my remaining time on this mortal coil (thank you, william shakespeare.) to the distance between the top of my head and some arbitrary point in space above it — that is, i’ve analogized the distance above my head to how much longer i have to live. i’m down to maybe the length of my hand and fingers — if i’m lucky — while they may have from their elbows to the tips of their fingers. who’s an inch more precious to? obviously, the one with only five or six inches” ~ machiavellean",
"“the only evidence we have that democrats love the poor is that they consistently back policies that will create more of them” ~ ann coulter",
"“the only good progressive is a dead progressive” ~ µ",
"“the only reason a woman is interested in a man is because she wants to change him, she wants to help him, or she wants to help him change” ~ µ",
"“the only reason to quit learning is dying” ~ µ",
"“the only way to ensure that a thing is done right is to do it yourself” ~ µ",
"the people who don’t make mistakes end up working for those who do” ~ the maxwell daily reader",
"“the person who has freedom of the press is the person who owns one” ~ a.j. liebling",
"the person you have dialed can’t take your call now. at the tone, please record your message. when you are finished recording, simply hang up, or press the pound key for further options",
"“the powers of the legislature are defined and limited; and that those limits may not be mistaken, or forgotten, the constitution is written” ~ chief justice john marshall, marbury v. madison",
"“the principal feature of liberalism is sanctimoniousness. by loudly denouncing all bad things — war and hunger and date rape — liberals testify to their own goodness. more important, they promote themselves to membership in a self-selecting elite of those who care deeply about such things. …it’s a kind of natural aristocracy, and the wonderful thing about this aristocracy is that you don’t have to be brave, smart, strong, or even lucky to join it — you just have to be liberal” ~ ~ p.j. o’rouke",
"“the question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim” ~ edsger dijkstra",
"“the rosenthal rule (the new york times editorial policy): ok, the rule is, you can fuck an elephant if you want to, but if you do you can’t cover the circus” ~ a.m. rosenthal",
"“the second item in the liberal creed, after self-righteousness, is unaccountability. liberals have invented whole college majors — psychology, sociology, women’s studies — to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault. no one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you’d have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. a callous pragmatist might favor abortion and capital punishment. a devout christian would sanction neither. but it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“the secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. if you can fake that, you’ve got it made” ~ groucho mar",
x "the smartest man in the room isn’t always right",
"“the smartest woman you know doesn’t know everything” ~ µ",
"“the soul without imagination is what an observatory would be without a telescope” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“the sovereign invigorator of the body is exercise, and of all the exercises, walking is best” ~ thomas jefferson",
"“the status quo is not an option” ~ µ",
"““the strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government” ~ thomas jefferson",
"the supreme court has no constitutional role in making public policy",
"“the unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“the urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule” ~ h l mencken",
"“the whole idea of our government is this: if enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“the world doesn’t owe you a damn thing’ ~ lauren bacall",
"“the world is changing … and i don’t like it” ~ µ",
"“the worst thing in this world, next to anarchy, is government” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“there are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. chief among these is the mercedes-benz 380sl convertible” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“there are joys which long to be ours. God sends ten thousands truths, which come about us like birds seeking inlet; but we are shut up to them, and so they bring us nothing, but sit and sing awhile upon the roof, and then fly away” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“there are more quarrels smothered by just shutting your mouth, and holding it shut, than by all the wisdom in the world” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“there are three schoolmasters for everybody that will employ them — the senses, intelligent companions, and books” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“there are two things I know that may be infinite: the universe and human stupidity. but I’m not sure about the universe” ~ albert einstein",
"there is a temperate zone in the mind, between luxurious indolence and exacting work; and it is to this region, just between laziness and labor, that summer reading belongs",
"“there is another class of coloured people who make a business of keeping the troubles, the wrongs and the hardships of the negro race before the public. having learned that they are able to make a living out of their troubles, they have grown into the settled habit of advertising their wrongs — partly because they want sympathy and partly because it pays. some of these people do not want the negro to lose his grievances, because they do not want to lose their jobs” ~ booker t washington",
"“there is no friendship, no love, like that of the mother for the child” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“there is nothing more contemptible than a bald man who pretends to have hair” ~ martial",
"“there is nothing wrong with your television set. do not attempt to adjust the picture. we are controlling transmission. if we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. if we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. we will control the horizontal. we will control the vertical. we can roll the image, make it flutter. we can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. for the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. we repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. you are about to participate in a great adventure. you are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to … the outer limits” ~ control voice, opening narration for the outer limits, a knockoff of rod serling’s the twilight zone",
"“there is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please” ~ ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“there would be no america without eric ~ µ",
"“there’s good reason for thinking of citified northeasterners as effete snobs” ~ µ",
"“there’s no point in forbidding english speakers to place a modifier between the ‘to’ and the verb that follows it. they can do it, so they will” ~ maeve maddo",
x "“there’s no special grace in being smart” ~ scott ~ µ",
"“therefore i tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. are you not of more value than they? and can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? and why do you worry about clothing? consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet i tell you even solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. but if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will he not much more clothe you — you of little faith? . . . so do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. today’s trouble is enough for today” ~ matthew 6: 25-34",
"“things are getting so bad i’m sorta looking forward to dying” ~ uncle ed",
"things change",
"“things perceived as real are real in their consequences” ~ pat buchanan",
"think about it",
"“this comment has been deleted. …(not really, i just felt left out)” ~ richard hamblin and his orchestra, is.gd/0Ab0G6",
"“this is not the caliphate. we cannot (yet) dictate where another person enjoys their animals” ~ juvegirl@ummah.com",
"“those who make a distinction between education and entertainment don’t know the first thing about either” ~ marshall mcluhan",
"time passes",
"“time seems to crawl, and then i look at my calendar and see that it’s been only three days. i wait impatiently, fretting and stewing. trying to keep busy to make the time pass faster. did i say or do something wrong? maybe. …but, then again, maybe not — after all, it’s only been three days … and anticipation is one of the things that makes life worth living. | then i look back. weeks and months and years have flashed by in what seems only an instant. “how did that happen? where did the time go? five years, you say? ten? twenty? … fifty?” … “fifty and more, my friend.” | i don’t want to “just do it.” i want to do it again. better the next time” ~ µ",
"“tired of listening, sharon? too bad. i’m not tired of talkin’” ~ µ",
"““to laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived — this is to have succeeded” ~ ralph waldo emerson",
"“to liberals, compromise means conservatives have to give up their beliefs” ~ µ",
"“to prohibit a citizen from wearing or carrying a war arm … is an unwarranted restriction upon the constitutional right to keep and bear arms. if cowardly and dishonorable men sometimes shoot unarmed men with army pistols or guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary and gallows, and not by a general deprivation of constitutional privilege” ~ wilson v. state, 33 ark. 557 (1878)",
"“to say “it all digests the same” is to say the experience — how you get there — doesn’t matter. i disagree ~ µ",
"“to succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. she can’t wait to disprove it” ~ cary grant",
"“to the great tree-loving fraternity we belong. we love trees with universal and unfeigned love, and all things that do grow under them or around them — the whole leaf and root tribe” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“to tolerate evil is to support evil” ~ mollie h",
"“to understand the workings of american politics, you have to understand this fundamental law: conservatives think liberals are stupid. liberals think conservatives are evil” ~ krauthammer’s law",
"“to write is to think, and to write well is to think well” ~ david mccullough",
"“tolerance and apathy are the last virtues of a dying society” ~ aristotle",
"“too bad most of my oeuvré is classified” ~ scott ~ µ",
"too many voters can’t be bothered to look beyond rhetoric and style — or color",
"“troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“turning society into a multicultural collection of conflicting minorities will create a balance of power that will end racism. yeah right” ~ Pnina, http://is.gd/ufXacf",
"“unacknowledged bias is not the same as objectivity” ~ ~ daniel foster",
"under the constitution of the united states every person born in the united states is a citizen thereof",
"“use impact as a verb? fuggeddaboudit ~ µ",
"use of an ellipsis in a short quotation is an almost sure sign that the quotation is being taken out of context",
"“using correct english is not pedantic but is essential in communicating precisely what one intends” ~ d james, lancashire, uk, 24/8/2009 17:16",
"“using paper plates may not be politically correct, but it sure makes life easier. …so does being bald ~ µ",
"“using the tyranny of the urgent as an excuse for being wrong is contemptible” ~ the new york times",
"vampire movies suck",
"“vicious pit gerbil george stephanopoulos and eastern diamondback rattleworm sidney blumenthal spent eight years trying to make america nothing to brag about” ~ ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"voting is not a right guaranteed by the constitution",
"wait ’til you’re married to be disgusting. don’t say “i just farted” until after the ceremony",
"“war is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. the person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself” ~ john stuart mill",
"“watch money. money is the barometer of a society’s virtue. when you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion — when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing — when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors — when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don’t protect you against them, but protect them against you — when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice — you may know that your society is doomed” ~ ayn rand, atlas shrugged",
"“we all want progress. but progress means getting nearer to the place you want to be. and if you have taken a wrong turn, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. if you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man” ~ c s lewis",
"we can neither spend our way out of debt nor tax our way into jobs",
"“we cannot continue to rely only on our military in order to achieve the national security objectives we’ve set. we’ve got to have a civilian national security force thats just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded” ~ obama, july 2008 campaign stop, colorado",
"“we have a conflict here. i want to be paid for my work. you don’t want to pay me ~ µ",
"we have enough youth. what we need is a fountain of smart",
"“we have no “constitutional imperative to provide for the education of illegal aliens” ~ warren e. burger, plyler v. doe",
"“we live in an age of anomie ~ µ",
"“we need to keep exposing this administration for the sham that it is.” ~ patriot8888",
"“we never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“we should keep out of power ‘the class that knows what’s good for us better than we do’” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“we should not forget that the spark which ignited the american revolution was caused by the british attempt to confiscate the firearms of the colonists” ~ patrick henry",
"“we should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“we’re all ignorant about different things” ~ ann parks english",
"“we’re leaving behind a sovereign, stable and self-reliant iraq, with a representative government that was elected by its people ~ barack obama, december 14, 2011",
"“well, the trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s just that they know so much that isn’t so” ~ ronald reagan",
“well, it looks like it’s back to the perfume counter for me. there’s a word for you ladies but it isn’t used in high society ™ outside of a kennel” ~ the women, (1939) , crystal allen (joan crawford)",
"“well, when the president does it, that means it is not illegal” ~ richard m nixon",
"“well married, a man is winged — ill-matched, he is shackled” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“what comes cheaply is not valued highly” ~ journal of social hygiene",
"“what counts is not what islam teaches but what muslims do ~ µ",
"“what did you think would happen when the government started forcing banks to loan money to people who couldn’t pay it back? ~ µ",
"“what do you think about that? ~ µ",
"“what if it turns out you’re too good for him? … or he’s too good for you? ~ µ",
"“what muslims do is more important than what islam teaches ~ µ",
"what politicians call horse-trading, you and i call bribery",
"“what would i change about my life if i could? the things that caused her pain” ~ µ",
"“what wouldn’t i give to be able to rewrite the past?” … or to write the future? ~ µ",
"“what would you do if your husband's Christmas present was a boob job you didn’t want?… now, that’s something if you don’t want, you really don’t want it ~ melba",
"“what’s the point of liberalism? to feel good about yourself ~ µ",
"“whatever is almost true is quite false, and among the most dangerous of errors, because being so near truth, it is more likely to lead astray” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“whatever it is, war is never a cakewalk ~ µ",
"when a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. when a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $5.95 a minute",
"“when a nation’s young men are conservative, its funeral bell is already rung” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“when are you guys going to get out of fifth grade? ~ melba",
"“when i split an infinitive, god damn it, i split it so it stays split” ~ raymond chandler",
"“when i shuffle off this mortal coil (relatively soon, i”m guessing), i”ll leave behind no magnum opus — possibly a couple of opuscula” ~ µ",
"“when i’m compelled to listen to nancy pelosi, it seems as if my head is filling up with glue ~ µ",
"“when interpreting constitutional text, the goal is to discern the most likely public understanding of a particular provision at the time it was adopted” ~ clarence thomas",
"“when it comes to the left, you need to think principal, not principle” ~ µ",
"“when it comes to women, i’d rather be chased than chaste” ~ µ",
"“when laudable old customs die, learning dwindles” ~ lady gertrude helena dodd bone",
"when mother asks, pseudodictionary did not teach you these words",
"“when she smiles at me, it’s as if someone turned on the sun” ~ ~ scott ~ µ",
"“when words lose their meaning, people lose their freedom” ~ confucius",
"“when you whittle whittle, boys, always whittle from you” ~ papaw ~ µ",
"“when you’re dead, you’re dead” ~ melba",
"“where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“where necessary to make a regulation of interstate commerce effective, congress may regulate even those intrastate activities that do not themselves substantially affect interstate commerce” ~ supreme court justice antonin scalia, gonzalez v. raich",
"“who are you trying to impress? yourself? other than that, good luck ~ µ",
"“who do you think pays for your feast at freedom’s table? ~ µ",
"“who’s that woman from outer space? ~ melba",
"“why are you yelling at the TV? the tv can't hear you ~ melba",
"“why can’t we all just get along? because we’re all different, that’s why ~ µ",
"“why did God create woman? She needed someone to change man ~ µ",
"“why volunteer for a beating when you have nothing to gain from doing so? ~ µ",
"“why would i be running into you in one of my dreams unless one of us is about to die? the good news is i’m a lot older than you are ~ µ",
"“why? no one knows. no one ~ µ",
"“will i know it when i’m dead? ~ µ",
"“wisdom does not come with age, but aches and pains and bad eyesight do ~ µ",
"“wisdom is not determined by majority vote” ~ mona charen",
"“with the amount of information we supply, there are bound to be ytpographical errors that we miss. should you find any, please let us know and we’ll be delighted to send you a small gift for your trouble: a virtual razzberry ~ µ",
"“without laws we would have no crimes or criminals ~ µ",
"“women are a mystery. let them remain so” ~ wretchard",
"“women are fully capable of malice and deceit in order to achieve their ends” ~ jim good",
"“women don’t want to hear what you think. they want to hear what they think — in a deeper voice” ~ bill cosby",
"“wow. that’s the longest sentence i’ve ever seen. what does it mean? ~ µ",
"“writing enables the process of self-discovery” ~ sidney harman",
"“writing even minimally well takes either talent or a lot of time and hard work. what i lack in talent, i try make up for by hard work ~ µ",
"“writing is art, too” ~ kate ~ µ",
"“yeah, it wouldn’t hurt to learn to take an aspirin when you’re hurting” ~ melba, after i apologized for being so cranky with her earlier today when i was in a lot of pain (for me) from over-exerting myself, etc. among other things, my ankles and feet are so swollen the skin on the top of my feet hurts when i’m just sitting. if something touches my top skin &emdash; such as socks & shoes, it hurts even worse. it also wouldn’t hurt to eat before my blood sugar drops so low i don’t know what i’m doing — plus being cranky because i’m hungry. (nota bene: my natural state is cranky and irritable. from both nature and nurture. yes, i’m an idiot ~ micro;",
"“you and charlie are two guys sharing the same brain” ~ melba",
"“you be frank, i’ll be earnest” ~ melba",
"“you can dodge a lot of bullets, but you can’ dodge them all” ~ µ" "“you can say anything you like. anything. tell me you love me” ~ µ",
"“you can take tolerance too far ~ µ",
"“you cannot invade the mainland united states. there would be a rifle behind every blade of grass” ~ admiral isoroku yamamoto",
"“you can’t expect me to believe you were only shouting at the goat ~ µ",
"“you can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“you can’t have enough old friends” ~ peggy noonan",
"“you can’t live up to being a dream come true ~ µ",
"“you can’t undo the things you do; you can’t unsay the things you say ~ µ",
"“you can’t use tact with a congressman! a congressman is a hog! you must take a stick and hit him on the snout!” ~ henry brooks adams",
"“you do the dumbest things” ~ melba",
"“you don’t change the world by protesting: you change the world by doing ~ µ",
"“you don’t compromise with evil ~ µ",
"“you don’t make friends by talking; you make friends by listening ~ µ",
"“you don’t think decades of race-based discrimination can be undone with more decades of race-based discrimination? hey, ref, you need to make up for that bad call with another bad call ~ µ",
"“you don’t want to be part of this mess” ~ melba",
"“you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means” ~ inigo montoya, the princess bride",
"“you know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going” ~ p.j. o’rourke",
"“you never want to have the government involved in your business” ~ orlando’s dictum",
"“you only get order from a distance. close up is always messy” ~ robert b parker, the godwulf manuscript, 1973",
"“you really think she’d want to have sex with you if she hadn’t worn out her vibrator? ~ µ",
"“you say you came to do the right thing. why should i believe you? ~ µ",
"“you say you came to do the right thing. why should i believe you? you are in the united states illegally, doing the wrong thing. you’re not doing right by me ~ µ",
"“you sit next to a stranger on a bus. you’re in for a long ride. you’ll never see her again. you can say anything you like. anything. tell her you love her ~ µ",
"“you want to be an orphan some day: you do not want your parents to outlive you ~ µ",
"“you wouldn’t want to eat anywhere a cockroach wouldn’t eat ~ µ",
"“you wouldn’t want to eat anywhere a cockroach wouldn’t eat — or where one actually eats, either, for that matter ~ µ, "“you’d be better off if you did more reading and less writing, more listening, less talking ~ µ",
"“you’ll be dead before you’re perfect” ~ sandbox jim — and also in a parody of hannah montana’s “nobody’s perfect”",
"“you’re a lot less likely to be disappointed in life if you don’t set your sights too high ~ µ",
"“youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever” ~ aristophanes" "“young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. the love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep burning, unquenchable” ~ henry ward beecher",
"“your character is reflected by your choice of enemies ~ µ",
"“your merkin is highly flammable” ~ cecil adams, the straight dope, 1993"

submitted by phrases.sam

- Happened to think of Byrdmenbashi, so I checked and was able to open the gmail account byrdmenbashi@gmail.com. Expect to use it at times for comments I post.


Love,

Dad

Subject:  Upadate
Date:  Sun, 2 Feb 2003 19:15:19 -0600
From:  Mike
To:  Scott

Turkmenbashi slightly rings a bell. My knowledge of the stans is pretty much limited to what I read in a magazine in a doctor's office recently. It amounted to about what you'd get out of a Fodor Travel Guide for each country, one or two pages on each of the stans. Not much, but a hell of a lot more than most Americans know. I recall one thing for sure -- none of them have much money or a very good living standard. Spending what they do have on Turkmenbashi's ego is a real bad use of assets. Maybe they're buildings they need?

I kind of like "Byrdman of West Virginia." Too bad Burt Lancaster's no longer alive. Oh, well, he'd be too tall to play Byrd, anyway. The estimates of the pork Byrd has brought to West Virginia exceed a billion dollars. 20-30 million a year really doesn't seem like that much, but it does add up. I think West Virginians are giving him way too much credit.

Still haven't seen my letter at congress.org. Maybe they don't update until Monday. Maybe they didn't like mine. Thought you might catch my deliberate use of up-a-date as the subject of my note.

Love,
Dad

From: Scott
To: Mike
Sent: Sunday, February 02, 2003 4:12 PM
Subject: Good to know that mom is healing.
 
I believe that Robert Byrd should be popularly referred to as'Byrdmenbashi.'

Don't know if you are familiar with the tin-horn leader of Turkmenistan. He calls himself Turkmenbashi. So do all his subjects, under duress. He has renamed the months 
and days after himself and his family. All the speculative oil wealth that has been poured into his country over the past 10 years has gone to creating buildings and 
edifices to Turkmenbashi. My favorite is the gold statue with the golden face that tracks on the sun so that the likeness of Turkmenbashi is always illuminated.

A quick itemizing of all the Robert Byrd memorial this and that buildings and edifices all across West Virginia will quickly prove the aptness of 'Byrdmenbashi.'


From: Mike
To: Scott
Subject: Upadate
Date: Sat, 1 Feb 2003 15:51:06 -0600

Your mother's doing fine after her surgery. I brought her home the 17th. Looks like her recovery will take somewhat longer than from previous surgeries.

I stumbled across some of Senator Byrd's remarks at http://www.commondreams.org/views02/1009-07.htm. Made me feel like sending him an e-mail. He's partially right, 
of course, but I didn't bother agreeing with much he had to say. 

I used Nick Beal as my displayed signature -- The Devil, as played by Ray Milland, in 1948's Alias Nick Beal. I gave an e-mail address I can kill if anyone responds, 
but I used my real name and address in the identifying part that doesn't get put up on the web page at www.congress.org, not a government site. 

I didn't have time to write him a shorter letter.

Call when you can.

Love,

Dad

-------------------------------------------------- 
 
Thank you for using Congress.org Mail System

Message sent to the following recipients:
Sen. Byrd
Message text follows:

Mike
P.O. Box 70xxxx
Tulsa, OK 74170-xxxx

February 1, 2003

"I have asked the director of the CIA on two different occasions: . -- What is there -- that you know today that you did not know? -- There is nothing new. -- "

You were told nothing new; that does not mean there was nothing new. Old intelligence, never revealed to you, probably also influenced the course the administration 
has taken. Senators and Representatives evince a profound lack of understanding of the legitimate needs to keep secrets and the sources of secrets secret. I think 
their actions are not always guileless, that they know their leaks will damage our country. One of these days -- sooner rather than later, I hope -- a representative or 
senator will be charged with criminal acts, if not treason, for leaking classified information.

"Here we are today; we have rubber spines, rubber legs, and we do not have backbones. --"

I do not disagree with that statement.

"I respect the President of the United States. --"

Perhaps. But you are politician and your lips are moving. (When did we stop capitalizing "President" as an indication of respect for the office?)

"I do not believe there is a Republican in this body who knows me well who would believe for a moment, if we had a Democrat President today, I would not be saying 
exactly what I am saying right now. -- "

Those very Republicans you are forever saying are wrong about everything else? Why should their judgment about your character and integrity be correct? Did you 
learn about parsing sentences from that King of Parsers, William Jefferson Clinton? I can parse myself. (Intentional, nitpickers.) 

I note with some amusement that you do not claim you would say exactly the same thing if a Democrat were President, merely that those otherwise fool Republican 
senators think you would say the same thing. Did you say the same thing in 1998 in a similar situation when Clinton was President?

Are the white sheets you wore for the Ku Klux Klan in storage? Did you donate the money you were paid as a Ku Klux Klan recruiter to charities for blacks? 

If it is true, sir, that you would say the same thing if a Democrat were President, that would make you a singularity among Democrat senators. Why am I skeptical 
of the King of Pork?

"We are voting on this new Bush doctrine of preventive strikes -- preemptive strikes. -- That is a mistake. --"

Our laws recognize the defensive validity of a preemptive strike: As individuals, the law does not require that we sit and wait for an enemy to hit us first. If an 
enemy makes aggressive and threatening moves, the law allows us to hit first -- in self-defense, no less. Despite all your sagaciousness, you seem to be unaware of 
the fundamental precepts of self-protection.

"We are committing the blood and the treasure of the American people to do what the United Nations won't do. -- "

Yes, we are. Could it be that the United Nations also has "a rubber spine, rubber legs, and no backbone"?

"'Out of business.' 'Gone home.' 'Gone fishing. -- '"

A grand idea. Make it so.

You are right on this: The resolution should have had language in it terminating the presidential powers it granted.

VGEJEOGOREOW@spammotel.com

Sincerely,

Nick Beal

Subject: I missed Turkmenbashi's death in December.
Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2007 15:55:27 -0600
From: Mike
To: Scott


You introduced me to him some time ago when you referred to Senator Byrd as Byrdmenbashi.

Turkmenistan's late president may have looked like a dictator, but his eccentric, repressive decrees were really just jokes. What's Turkic for “Gotcha!”?
By TMM Editors
Date posted: December 21, 2006


FEW PEOPLE are mourning the death by sudden heart attack of Saparmurat Niyazov, the president-for-life of Turkmenistan. Known at home as Turkmenbashi— -- i.e., “Father of the Turkmen people -- Niyazov ran the natural-gas-rich Central Asian republic since its founding in 1991, and he did so with a Stalin-esque authoritarianism that earned him the enmity of human-rights groups and a not-so-coveted spot on Parade magazine's list of “The World's 10 Worst Dictators.” (At no. 7, he topped Ayatollah Khamenei!)

But the monster of the Caspian Sea also had, shall we say, a lighter side. Niyazov was a joker, a lover of pranks and japes, like the time he banned car radios or shut down all rural libraries on the premise that his countrymen don't read. What a card!

So, let us recall Turkmenbashi's better days, when he Punk'd his country with a wit and član that Ashton Kutcher and Sacha Baron Cohen could never hope to match. Herewith, the top ten stunts of Saparmurat Niyazov—we'll miss them! (Not!)

1. Frustrated with Ashlee Simpson's SNL performance and haunted by memories of Milli Vanilli's downfall, Niyazov in August 2005 banned lip-synching. That wasn't enough, however, and he added that all recorded music would be banned at public events, at weddings and on TV. “Create our new culture,” he urged his countrymen.

2. In the capital Ashgabat, Niyazov erected a golden statue of himself that rotates so it's always facing the sun. “I'm personally against seeing my pictures and statues in the streets,” he said, “but it's what the people want.”



3. In 2002, Niyazov issued a decree renaming the months of the year after national symbols. Who are Turkmenistan's national symbols? Niyazov's late mother, for one, whose name Turkmen now say instead of April (and, supposedly, “bread”). “It seems like he lives on another planet,” one man told the BBC.

4. In August 2004, Niyazov fired his interior minister for incompetence—on national television. “I cannot say that you had any great merits or did much to combat crime,” said Niyazov. “Of course you did something: You kept quiet on the sidelines, as if you knew nothing.”

5. That same month, Niyazov felt something was missing from Ashgabat -- an ice palace! So he ordered one built in the Copa Deg Mountains, with a cable car running up to it from the city -- which, uh, happens to lie in the middle of the desert.

6. Niyazov wasn't just a crazy dictator— -- he was a man of letters, and his Ruhnama, a national epic of moral instruction, replaced Soviet-era textbooks long ago. “"If a horse which can gallop when it is fat can also gallop when it is thin, it is a good horse,"” he wrote. “"If a horse is not good in both cases, it is not a good horse.”" Who can argue with that?

7. Perhaps trying to increase domestic-tourism revenues in Ashgabat, Niyazov in 2005 ordered the closure of all rural hospitals. “Why do we need such hospitals?” he said. “If people are ill, they can come to Ashgabat.”

8. You know how sometimes dogs and cats smell bad? Well, Niyazov had a particularly sensitive nose, so he restricted pet ownership in Ashgabat to a single cat or dog. And if you own livestock, you might as well just leave the capital, so your camels and chickens don't stink up the dahlias being planted along its avenues.

9. Mr. Bling, beware! Gold teeth were verboten as of 2004, when Niyazov ordered his countrymen to keep their original white ones healthy by gnawing on bones. “"I watched young dogs when I was young. They were given bones to gnaw,"” he said. "“Those of you whose teeth have fallen out did not gnaw on bones. This is my advice."”

10. Just two months ago, Niyazov opened the “House of Free Creativity,” a building— -- shaped like an open book -- —that was supposed to be a comfy place for journalists to work and hang out. You know, so Niyazov's people could, like, keep an eye on them and make sure they were working on the right stories, because, you know, in a country with no free media whatsoever, you gotta make sure everyone's on the same page, right?

submitted by byrdmenbashi

- A remarkable transformation is underway in the Commonwealth of Virginia.

The birthplace and final resting place of George Washington, James Madison, Thomas Jefferson—and once one of the most reliably-red of red states—is being rapidly turned into a progressive stronghold.

These changes are not the result of an inside agency, or a natural evolution in political thinking, but rather the result of one of the most impactful yet least-discussed policies of the federal government.

Each year the federal government prints millions of visas and distributes these admission tickets to the poorest and least-developed nations in the world.

A middle-aged person living in parts of Virginia today will have witnessed more demographic change in the span of her life than many societies have experienced in millennia.

A census study entitled “Immigrants in Virginia,” released by University of Virginia (UVA) researchers, documented the phenomenon: “Until 1970, only 1 in 100 Virginians was born outside of the United States; by 2012, 1 in every 9 Virginians is foreign-born.”

Fairfax Connection, a community newspaper, offered more detail:



In the span of one generation, Fairfax County has seen an explosion in its immigrant population. In 1970, more than 93 percent of Fairfax County’s population was white and middle-class. In the fall of 1970, a white 6-year-old child beginning elementary school in one of the county’s developing towns… could look to his left, or look to his right, and see a classroom full of children who, at least 90 percent of the time, looked like him and who spoke English. By 2010, a child entering elementary school in Fairfax County would almost certainly encounter a classmate who did not speak English as a primary language, and whose parents or grandparents immigrated from places such as Vietnam, India, Korea or a country in Africa.
UVA’s report explains that more than three out of four of Virginia immigrants (77 percent) are coming from either Latin America or Asia—immigration from Europe, the report writes, “lag[s] far behind” representing only 10 percent of Virginia’s immigrant population. This is consistent with trends nationwide. According to the 2013 Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Immigration Yearbook, only 8.7 percent of green cards issued by the federal government went to immigrants born in Europe, a product of immigration changes pushed through by Ted Kennedy in 1965.

DHS’ yearbook, however, does not provide information on parental nativity– in other words, it doesn’t say whether an immigrant from the United Kingdom may be the child of Saudi parents.

Additionally, according to DHS, of those refugees issued admissions slips into the United States, 75 percent came from four countries– Iraq, Burma, Somalia and Bhutan– while another 15 percent came from Iran, Sudan, Ethiopia, Eritrea and the Dominican Republic.

Large numbers of these settlers handpicked by the federal government have come to Virginia. A 2011 article from The Washington Post explains: “Soaring number of Hispanics and Asians pushed Virginia’s population over 8 million in the past decade.”

“Statewide the number of Hispanics almost doubled to 632,000. Hispanics now make up 8 percent of Virginia residents.” The Post continues, “The state’s Asian population also took off, climbing by 68 percent in 10 years.”

The Post notes that“as recently as 1990, non-Hispanic whites made up 76 percent of the state’s residents. A decade later, their numbers had fallen to 70 percent, and [in 2010], they accounted for less than two-thirds of the state’s residents.”

Because these newcomers to Virginia have largely been invited into the country with green cards or other visas, they can collect public benefits, fill any job, rely on federal retirement programs, and become naturalized voting citizens.

Year after year, the United States continues its annual dispensation of one million plus new green cards, the admission of one million foreign workers, refugees and dependents, and the importation of half a million foreign youths sought by college administrators.

One in four U.S. residents is either an immigrant himself or has immigrant parents. The Census Bureau projects that the U.S. will add another 14 million immigrants over the following ten years if green card programs aren’t slashed, pushing the U.S. past all documented historical immigration records in terms of immigrant to population ratio. When a high point was hit last century, then-President Calvin Coolidge hit the pause button for roughly fifty years– producing an era of explosive wage growth. That pause continued until Ted Kennedy ushered in legislation that opened our borders to the entire world.

The steady gusher of visas happens silently and without little media recognition, yet its effects are more permanent and transformative than many of the most far-reaching foreign policy accords.

In 2012, the Richmond Times Dispatch highlighted the political effects of issuing visas to so many migrants from outside the Western World: “The population shift, most notably in Northern Virginia, is changing the state’s educational, political and social landscape.”

The Times Dispatch continues, “Virginia’s demographic changes have also transformed political leanings in the state that, before President Barack Obama’s win of electoral votes in 2008, had not backed a Democratic presidential candidate since 1964.”

The blue-ing of Virginia brought about by continued immigration is not calculated only by measuring the voting habits of immigrants themselves, but is multiplied outward through the voting habits of immigrants’ children and grandchildren. As the Times Dispatch notes: “Not all minority voters are foreign-born, of course, but many have participated in the changing political landscape.” The increase in the minority vote share stems from immigration itself: “Many immigrants come to the U.S. between the ages of 25 and 44, during the prime of their careers, and are more likely to have families here.” The results, per the Times Dispatch, are striking: “During the 2012 presidential election, when 71 percent of the state’s voters went to the polls, two-thirds of Hispanic and Asian voters backed Obama. Obama carried 93 percent of the black vote, 64 percent of the Hispanic vote and 66 percent of the Asian vote, according to exit polls reported by The New York Times.”

Under current U.S. policy, any child born to an immigrant is guaranteed U.S. citizenship and voting rights. UVA researchers found that, “among children of immigrants, 96 percent are U.S. citizens, either by birth or through naturalization.” In today’s Virginia, “almost a fifth of native-born children under the age of 18 have at least one foreign-born parent.”

As Reuters reported in a recent article on U.S. visa policies: “Immigrants favor Democratic candidates and liberal policies by a wide margin, surveys show, and they have moved formerly competitive states like Illinois firmly into the Democratic column and could turn Republican strongholds like Georgia and Texas into battlegrounds in the years to come.”

A 2014 report authored by University of Maryland professor James Gimpel, similarly found that, “the enormous flow of legal immigrants in to the country — 29.5 million 1980 to 2012 — has remade and continues to remake the nation’s electorate in favor of the Democratic Party.”

The report cites a 2012 study conducted by YouGov that, “gauged the partisan preferences of over 2,900 naturalized immigrants, finding 62.5 percent to be Democratic identifiers, 24.6 percent Republican, and 12.9 percent independent.”

Examining the data in this study led Washington Examiner columnist Byron York to conclude: “The bottom line is that more immigration favors Democrats; there is no prediction of Democratic electoral ascendancy that doesn’t rely on demographic factors as the main engine of the party’s dominance.”

Yet the effects, national and local media have observed, are not limited to electoral patterns.

Crime patterns have changed markedly as well.

Today, according to the Migration Policy Institute, “about one-fifth of the total population of El Salvador” resides in the United States. The Associated Press reports that, “El Salvador is the top country of birth for immigrants to Virginia.” Indeed, the Migration Policy Institute found that from 2000 to 2008 Virginia saw its Salvadorian immigrant population grow by 13,000 persons. With it, this migration has brought the arrival of the feared Salvadorian gang, Mara Salvatrucha, also known as MS-13.

As The Washington Post reported in 2011: “Controlled by ringleaders or ‘big homies’ imprisoned in El Salvador or at large in Central America or Mexico, MS-13 ‘cliques’ with such names as the Sailors, Normandy, Peajes, Uniones and Fultons collaborate across the District, Maryland and Virginia.”

The Post explains that presence of the Salvadorian gang has become so problematic in the Commonwealth that federal officials have been forced to engage in “a targeted, sustained effort to dismantle MS-13 and other violent gangs that threaten our neighborhoods.” Describing one of the gangland slayings, The Post documents how, “Victims included a 14-year-old boy, Giovanni Sanchez, who was stabbed to death and left in the street.”

Last year, The Washington Post reported: “[A]rmed with two machetes and a sawed-off shotgun, MS-13 gang members allegedly set off in a car… to carry out an assassination at a location as brazen as it was chilling: a Prince William County school.”

Virginia has become a study in contrasts. The attempted assassination at Prince William County school is only a two-and-a-half hour drive from Colonial Williamsburg, where themed actors create a living museum to throngs of tourists.

Each year, the U.S. issues more green cards than the collective population of the 13 colonies the year Virginia’s Patrick Henry was born. In a single year, the U.S. will issue five times more green cards than there are members of Daughters of the American Revolution.

America’s visa programs have also impacted the fiscal landscape as well.

As Manhattan Institute Scholar Heather Mac Donald observed in 2005: “The foreign-born Hispanic welfare rate was nearly three times that of native-born whites.” This trend continues for the children of immigrants as well: “Native-born Hispanics collected welfare at over twice the rate as native-born whites.” Washington Post columnist Robert Samuelson reported that from 1990 to 2004: “The number of Hispanics with incomes below the government’s poverty line [rose] 52 percent; that [represents] almost all (92 percent) of the increase in poor people… Among children, disparities are greater. Over the same period, Hispanic children in poverty [rose] 43 percent; meanwhile, the numbers of black and non-Hispanic white children in poverty declined 16.9 percent and 18.5 percent, respectively.”

The federal government’s policy of resettling poor foreign populations in U.S. communities has presented substantial challenges for educators as well.  As the Washington Post reported in 2012 about Fairfax County, “31,5000 students are projected to enroll in English for Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL), representing 17 percent of the total county student population and an increase of nearly one-third from last year [2011]. Those numbers have profound implications for the schools system… with 7,652 new students in ESOL this year, that represents an additional $25.3 million.”

Washington Post article from last year examining Fairfax county kindergarteners noted, “The white student population is receding and is being replaced with fast-growing numbers of poor students and children of immigrants for whom English is a second language… The demographic changes in Fairfax are likely to have long-term implications for the school system… Schools officials believe that the challenges that come with a less-affluent and less-prepared population will exacerbate the system’s struggles with a widening achievement gap for minorities and ballooning class sizes.”

The Post notes that these changes extend into neighboring Maryland as well: “School systems across the region have experienced rapid increases in the number of Hispanic students as well as the number of pupils who qualify for subsidized meals. In Montgomery County, more than 35 percent of students receive free or reduced-priced meals, compared with 22 percent in 2000. Poor students now account for 68 percent of the kindergarten class in Prince George’s County, and 3 in 10 kindergartners this year received additional English instruction.”

The Post continues: “Elementary school teachers say they spend an increasing amount of their time on remedial education… Grace Choi, a kindergarten language teacher at London Towne [Elementary], said children from poor families often arrive for the first day of school not knowing the alphabet, a standard lesson in preschool. Many cannot differentiate animal words such as cat, lion and cheetah or food words such as potato, eggs and tomato. ‘The things you think are a given, they don’t know,’ Choi said.”

As one school board member told The Post, “We are required to educate their children, and we want to. But there is a cost… There is a cost to having these children in the system.”

Economist Christine Chmura told the Richmond Times Dispatch that, “some members of Virginia’s increasing immigrant population come from a culture in which college education is not encouraged. ‘In particular, I’m referring to the Hispanic population’ [Chmura] said. ‘From this perspective, an increase in immigrants in the state could decrease our educational attainment levels, which has been one of our competitive advantages over other states.’”

A 2011 study examining education attainment in the United States found that of Hispanic immigrants (aged 25 to 34), only nine percent obtain a Bachelor’s degree. For second generation Hispanic immigrants of that same age group, that number increases only slightly: 19 percent obtain a Bachelor’s degree. Amongst the third generation, however, the number recedes: only 16 percent obtain a Bachelor’s degree.

In this sense, the ongoing dispensations of green cards, refugee admittances, and foreign worker visas to developing nations exacerbates income inequality in two ways: it increases job competition for the current minority population while also straining educational resources in these communities. While this income inequality is helpful to large political donors whose financial enterprises gain profit from reduced wages, it adds substantially to the challenges facing dedicated educators and social workers.

In order to remedy the difference in educational outcomes produced by historic amounts of immigration, many university boards adopt affirmative action policies, which may award or subtract points based on a candidate’s ancestry. A 2012 Washington Post article on affirmative action explained that, “College leaders in the Washington region and across the country are hoping to preserve their power to use race and ethnicity as factors in admissions.”

Cash-strapped schools are also looking to increase spending in response to the educational hardships created by immigration. As the Fairfax Times reports, “In 2014, Hispanic and black students posted pass rates 25 percentage points fewer than white and Asian students on math assessments, and 24 percentage points fewer on reading assessments. The results mirror achievement gaps in school districts across the state… Many of the board members pointed to expanding preschool programs as an accepted tool for boosting minority achievement… [Yet] lack of funds thwarts school officials’ desire to add more preschool classes, just as it hampers other endeavours that could help close the achievement gap.”

While the influence of conservative voters in the Commonwealth continues to diminish, it is ironically Republican officials in Virginia who have led the push to resettle even larger numbers of immigrants inside the state. Former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, for instance, in the months before his titanic fall from power, engineered the effort to provide more labor to Virginia employers through foreign worker visas.

Former-executive director of the Virginia Republican Party, Shaun Kenney, described conservatives who wanted to trim the ongoing resettlement efforts as “nativists” who “have no home in the modern Republican Party,” thundering, “drive ‘em out.” Ironically, Kenney’s immigration policies are having that exact effect.

Congressman Bob Goodlatte (R-VA), Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, has proposed two bills that would add substantially to the millions of foreign visas already annually distributed by the United States. One of those bills, the SKILLS Visa Act, would increase foreign worker visas for technology corporations. The other bill, the Agricultural Guestworker “AG” Act, would increase foreign worker visas issued to food manufacturers who wield substantial influence within the modern Republican Party. Since Goodlatte’s foreign workers would arrive on visas, Republican donors who own businesses would be able to legally replace Americans workers with these newcomers.

The Washington Post reports the effects of the visas policies supported by Goodlatte in his own district: “Immigrants are a fast-growing part of the landscape and workforce—from the Mexicans who pick apples and process poultry to the Indians who work in high-tech and medical fields… Leader’s of the state’s $3.8 billion poultry industry say they favor immigration reform”. “Immigration reform,” as used by The Washington Post in this context, refers to adding greater and greater numbers of foreign workers to the labor pool in a manner employers hope will reduce wages.

As political scientist Steve Farnsworth told the Richmond Times Dispatch“burgeoning employment opportunities in Virginia” are not necessarily going to the states current residents but “waves of foreign-born workers and foreign-born college graduates looking for jobs.”

UVA researchers found that more than one in seven people in Virginia’s workforce are foreign-born, and positions in the workforce are more likely to go to them than those born in the state:



Labor force participation for natives is at about 65 percent in comparison to more than 73 percent for the foreign-born… A large number of foreign-born workers are employed as computer software engineers, managers, cashiers, accountants and auditors, and retail salespersons, making these highly common occupations for immigrants.
The impact mass visa admissions has had on job opportunities for Virginia workers is representative of nationwide trends. For instance, according to a report from the Center for Immigration Studies, all net jobs created in the United States from 2000-2014 went to immigrants.

But the flood of new immigrants also threatens the job prospects of past immigrants. As Bill Kristol and Rich Lowry wrote in their joint op-ed opposing the Schumer-Rubio plan to triple green card admissions as part of the Gang of Eight bill:



 The last thing low-skilled native and immigrant workers already here should have to deal with is wage-depressing competition from newly arriving workers.
A poll from Kellyanne Conway found that minorities overwhelmingly support visa reductions. By a greater than 6:1 margin, Hispanic voters believe that jobs should go to those already living inside the United States instead of importing new workers from foreign countries. Black voters believe the same, by an extraordinary ratio of almost 30:1. Both groups suffer every day from the federal government’s policy of adding millions of new competitors to the labor pool.

In a state where recent races have been decided by razor-thin margins, and where Democrats have relied heavily on pulling huge numbers from the black vote, the addition of so many new voters from post-1970 immigration was keenly felt in the recent governor’s race. Following Democratic Gov. Terry McAullife’s rise to oldest occupied Executive Mansion in the country, The Atlantic wrote:



Terry McAuliffe’s narrow win Tuesday to become governor of Virginia was the result of the changing and growing population of Northern Virginia. It was also the product of an electorate just as diverse—though not as large—as the ones that twice elected Barack Obama… McAuliffe won even though 56 percent of white non-Hispanic voters voted for Republican Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, according to exit polls, thanks to the strength of McAuliffe’s support among Latinos and Asians. Together, those two demographic groups contributed more than 50,000 more votes to McAuliffe than to Cuccinelli… That’s enormously significant, considering that McAuliffe only won by 55,220 votes.
The Atlantic continued, “With McAuliffe’s victory, Virginia can now be looked at as ‘sort of a purple state leaning blue,’ said [Ruy] Teixeira, co-author of 2002’s The Emerging Democratic Majority. That book predicted that changes in the demographics of the electorate would ultimately swing red states into the blue column; those shifts took some time to show up, but now that they are here they show little sign of abating.”

California provides a look at Virginia’s— as well as Georgia’s, Arizona’s, Florida’s, and many other state’s— electoral path if the visa gusher continues apace.

In 1988, at a campaign rally for George H.W. Bush in Los Angeles, Ronald Reagan addressed the crowd: “So, here’s my last request to you. Put California in the Republican column this November. Send Pete Wilson back to the Senate. Send George Bush to the White House. And yes, I know I’m copying something that was just said here once before, but I don’t mind saying it again: Go out and win one last one for the Gipper!”

California Republicans went out did just last– delivered “one last one for the Gipper.” It would be the last time California would ever send a Republican to the Senate or to the White House.

In 1988, few other than the most ardent observers of immigration would have believed that the state that launched Nixon into the Senate, Vice-Presidency and White House, that launched Reagan into the Governor’s Mansion and the Executive Mansion, and that launched Reagan’s Vice President into the Oval Office, would have turned a deep and permanent shade of blue— never to revert again. Conservatives will of course still be able to win in Virginia for the time being, but as the visa gusher continues, it will become a steeper and steeper climb.

Today, the only reason Republican presidential campaigns go to California is not to rally voters but to meet with Los Angeles donors and Silicon Valley tycoons.

Conservative columnist Ann Coulter illustrated: “In 1980, Reagan won the biggest electoral landslide in history against an incumbent president, Jimmy Carter. Without the last 40 years of immigration, in 2012, Mitt Romney would have won a bigger landslide than Reagan did. He got more of the ‘Reagan coalition’ than Reagan did.”

In a separate article, Byron York explained that Romney’s problem was not so much his inability to make inroads with Hispanic voters, but paradoxically his inability to appeal to white, blue-collar workers:



Romney would have had to win 73 percent of the Hispanic vote to prevail in 2012. Which suggests that Romney, and Republicans, had bigger problems than Hispanic voters. The most serious of those problems was that Romney was not able to connect with white voters who were so turned off by the campaign that they abandoned the GOP and in many cases stayed away from the polls altogether. Recent reports suggest as many as 5 million white voters simply stayed home on Election Day. If they had voted at the same rate they did in 2004, even with the demographic changes since then, Romney would have won…an improvement of 4 points [amongst the white vote] would have won the race for Romney.
Conservative icon Phyllis Schlafly published a report last year about the impact of green cards and concluded: “Limit immigration or watch conservative efforts become irrelevant.” In her work, Schlafly emphasized that these changes were less about whether the two-party system would survive, but more about whether the Republican Party could continue on as a party of limited government with an immigration policy that was bringing in millions of big-government voters. Echoing Schlafly, immigration activist Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL) threatened to convert green cards into Democratic votes on the House floor only days ago.

Nonetheless, as the tidal flood of green cards remakes the electoral map, Republican officeholders continue to bow to donors’ demands for ever-more foreign visas. None of the top polling GOP candidates– except for Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker– has even suggested a willingness to reduce the number of visas issued each year by the federal government. Polling shows that a call for such reductions would present a winning populist issues for Republican candidates.

In fact, Senator Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL), a favorite politician of both media and donors, partnered with Arizona’s Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) and New York’s Chuck Schumer on their proposal to triple green cards. There are currently more than 30 million permanent immigrants inside the U.S who are here on green cards or have already converted their green cards into citizenship: the Gang of Eight’s program would have added another 30 million green card holders in the span of one decade. In interviews, Rubio described these immigration expansions euphemistically. He told Rush Limbaugh in 2013 that “our legal immigration system needs to be reformed.” He told Mark Levin in 2013 that “legal immigration is good for America.” He told Sean Hannity in 2014 that he wanted to “modernize our immigration system.” Rubio did not tell Limbaugh, Levin, or Hannity that he wanted to permanently resettle more than 30 million foreign citizens inside the United States within one decade. Rubio was not asked why waves of unskilled immigration from poor countries like El Salvador would be “good for America” as long as these intending migrants were printed green cards on their way into the United States.

Federal government spending is also “legal,” but most conservatives would like to see much of it reduced or eliminated entirely.

Rubio has never wavered or altered his stand for exploding net immigration levels. In fact, Rubio recently introduced legislation known as the Immigration Innovation Act – or I-Squared – which would triple wage-depressing H-1B visas and remove university green card caps. The latter Rubio policy would take the current existing policy of importing  100,000 permanent immigrants from the Middle East, and grow it significantly.

The media has already coined a term to describe the different landscape emerging as a result of immigration. The National Journal news site, for instance, has created a vertical entitled, “The Next America,” which the site describes as an “initiative” intended to document “the political, economic and social impacts of profound racial and cultural change facing our nation.” The White House has named its naturalization initiative “The New Americans Project”.

Or, to borrow Senator Rubio’s campaign slogan, “A New American Century.”

Email Julia at jhahn@breitbart.com.



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Big Government, Immigration, Education, Hispanic immigration, virginia



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- That dude was a little prick, but he did a fine job of making the Superfriends look like the square, hokey, boring, fist-resting-on-hips, knobs that they were. Did they ever make a Mxyzpltlk for the new Justice League? I like Justice League! Way different from their '80s counterparts. I just wish I had more time to watch it. 10 Amusing Collective Nouns Examples of Collective Nouns 1. A cuddle of teddy bears 2. A conjunction of grammarians 3. A promise of barmen 4. An obeisance of servants 5. A staff of employees 6. A fraid of ghosts 7. A nastiness of villains 8. A promise of tomorrows 9. A prudence of vicars 10. A clique of photographers http://wordsilove.org/archives/115/vag/

e.g.,

Well, it’s hard to teach wit - but all of us can learn the next best thing: the approximation of it by obfuscation, i.e. using big, difficult, and obscure words. So, to do our part in improving the quality of insults on teh Interweb, Neatorama has come up with a list of 10 Insulting Words You Should Know:

1. FRENCHIFY (v)

Definition: 1) To make French in quality or trait 2) To make somewhat effeminate, and 3) To contract a veneral disease (a 19th century slang).

Analysis: We have the English to thank for this word. Most people implicitly understand that it means to become more like the French, but not a lot know the second or the third meaning. We’re still not sure which is more insulting.

2. BESCUMBER (v)

Definition: To spray with poo.

Analysis: Actually bescumber is just one of many words in the English language that basically mean “to spray with poo”. These are: BEDUNG, BERAY, IMMERD, SHARNY, and the good ol’ SHITTEN. In special cases, you can use BEMUTE (specifically means to drop poo on someone from great height), SHARD-BORN (born in dung), and FIMICOLOUS (living and growing on crap).

Alternative: If that is too vulgar, you can use BEVOMIT and BEPISS, which meanings should be obvious to you, as well as BESPAWL (to spit on).

Oh, and if you want to say poo without looking like you're saying it, you can use ORDURE, DEJECTION, and EXCRETA. To mean something more specific, you can use MECONIUM (first feces of a newborn child), MELAENA or MELENA (the abnormally tarry feces containing blood from gastrointestinal bleeding), LIENTERY (diarrhea with undigested or partially digested food), and STEATORRHEA (fatty stool that's hard to flush down).

Here are some words along the same line that may one day prove to be useful for you: TURDIFY (turn into turd), COPROPHAGIA (eating of feces [wiki]), and COPROPHILIA (Think 2 Girls 1 Cup [wiki - don't worry, SWF], if you don't know what this is, I shan't corrupt you any further).

Let's end entry number two with these two amazing words COPREMESIS and MISERERE, both of which mean fecal vomiting. Yes, fecal vomiting. It's a medical emergency caused by the obstruction of the bowel (source).

3. MICROPHALLUS (n)

Definition: An unusually small penis.

Analysis: Self explanatory.

Alternative: Insulting a man’s private part is a very reliable way to put him down (if he’s smaller than you) or to get beat up (if he’s larger than you). Usually, even a dimwit can decipher the meaning of this word, after all, it’s just a combination of “micro” and “phallus”.

So, to insult a physically larger opponent, we recommend you use these words instead: PHALLOCRYPSIS (retraction or shrinkage of the penis), CRYPTORCHID (undescendend testicles), and PHALLONCUS (tumor of the penis).

4. COCCYDYNIA (n)

Definition: Pain in the butt.

Analysis: It's a real medical term: coccydynia is pain in the coccyx or tailbone. Most people simply call it "buttache."

Similar: PROCTALGIA, PROCTODYNIA, PYGALGIA and RECTALGIA all mean pain in the butt.

Alternative: CERVICALGIA (pain in the neck), PHALLODYNIA or PHALLALGIA (both mean pain in the penis), and PUDENDAGRA (pain in the genitals).

The word "butt" is highly versatile in its vernacular use - you can say "butt face" or "hairy butt" - dem are fightin' words - but it's much better to use these instead: ANKYLOPROCTIA (stricture of the anus, the state of "tight-assity"), STEATOPYGOUS (fat-assed), DASYPYGAL (having hairy buttocks), and CACOPYGIAN (having ugly buttocks).

nbsp;

5. NINNYHAMMER (n)

Definition: A fool or a silly person.
Analysis: The word "fool," unless you're Mr. T, is sometimes woefully inadequate to express the stupidity of the person you're talking about. So use Ninnyhammer. Or at least NINNY.

Alternative: The English language is chockful of colorful words meaning stupid person, such as: DUMMKOPF, IGNORAMUS, JOBBERNOWL, GOWK, and WITLING.

For mental retardation, eschew the ubiquitous 'tard - rather, use AMENTIA (extreme mental retardation because of inadequate brain tissue), CRETINISM (mental retardation associated with dwarfism, caused by the deficiency of a thyroid hormone, a person with cretinism is a CRETIN), and MORONITY (used to mean mild retardation of having a mental age of 7 to 12 years, now it's an obsolete term though we still use the word moron).

6. BUNCOMBE (n)

Definition: A ludicrously false statement. Basically it means bullshit or nonsense.

Analysis: Actually, you probably already know this word by its more common spelling: bunkum.

The origin of this word is fascinating. In 1819, a North Carolina congressman, the Honorable Felix Walker, was giving a rambling speech with little relevance to the current debate. He refused to yield the floor, and claimed that he wasn't speaking for Congress but instead "for Buncombe" (a county in North Carolina he represented). That's all it took.

Over time, the spelling changed to "bunkum," and the meaning strangely changed to be "excellent." Then it changed back in 1870, when a San Francisco gambler introduced a new game "banco" played with dice that were later found out to be loaded. Sure enough, BUNCO became known to mean swindle or cheat, and bunkum reverted back to its original meaning. (Source)

The word DEBUNK came directly from this: it's just bunk(um) with the prefix de- (meaning to remove).

7. HIRCISMUS (n)

Definition: Offensive armpit odor.

Analysis: Hircismus comes from the root word "hircus" which means goat in Latin. Someone must have thought smelly pits smelled like goats. Actually, this word combines two sources of great insult potential: smelly and armpits. Why this is not used more often in the discourse of hateful communication is beyond me.

Alternative: As we've mentioned, armpit is an untapped goldmine for insults. Here are some examples of words you can use: MASCHALEPHIDROSIS or MASCHALYPERIDROSIS (excessive sweating of the armpits). MASCHALOPHILOUS (sexual attraction to the underarms) and AXILLISM (the use of armpit for sex).

Smelling like goats is also a good source of insults (especially since goat is also a slang for a lecherous man). Try CAPRYLIC and HIRCINE (smelling like a pungent goat), and CAPRIC (resembling a goat).

8. CORPULENT (adj)

Definition: Very fat.

Analysis: Good ol' fat is a reliable insult word. After all, nowadays, no one like a fatty ... except Mauritanian men. That's right: in the Islamic Republic of Mauritania, fat and Rubenesque women are sexy and desirable. So much so, that instead of the crash diet of the West, they have a similar but opposite program: crash feeding or "gavage," where girls as young as 5 years old are force-fed milk, cream, butter, couscous and other calorie-rich food:

Girls as young as 5 and as old as 19 had to drink up to five gallons of fat-rich camel’s or cow’s milk daily, aiming for silvery stretch marks on their upper arms. If a girl refused or vomited, the village weight-gain specialist might squeeze her foot between sticks, pull her ear, pinch her inner thigh, bend her finger backward or force her to drink her own vomit. In extreme cases, girls died. (Source)

Interestingly, the ideal man is skinny (Mauritanians view portly men as womanish and lazy).

Alternative: ABDOMINOUS (potbellied), STEATOPYGOUS (fat-assed), and FUSSOCK (a very fat woman).

9. FEIST or FICE (n)

Definition: 1) A small dog of uncertain ancestry, a mongrel. 2) A person of little worth or someone with a bad temper, and 3) Silent fart.

Analysis: You actually already know this word: feist is used throughout the Midland and Southern United States to mean a snappy, nervous and belligerent little dog. The adjective feisty which means "full of spirit or spunky," comes from this word. But that's not why it's on this list (hint: #3!)

What you may not know is the true origin of the word. Feist comes from the Middle English fisten, which means to break wind (fist originally also meant flatus or fart). Feist is a special type of fart: the silent (and often deadly) type. Oh, and the word "fart" itself comes from another Middle English word farten or ferten, which in turn is from the Old English feortan.

Feist is the type of word that, if introduced to young adolescents, no doubt would spark a lifelong interest in learning new words.

Alternative: Fart is another one of those goldmines of insults. To obfuscate what you really mean, use instead: FLATUOSITY (fart). Other gems: EPROCTOLAGNIAC (someone aroused by flatulence, his own or someone else's), CARMINATIVE (something that makes you fart), and BDOLOTIC (prone to farting).

10. CACAFUEGO (n)

Definition: A swaggering braggart or boaster.

Analysis: Cacafuego literally means "shit fire" in Spanish. Anyone who boasts their new knowledge of insulting words from this article can be called a cacafuego.

That's not the only interesting thing about it:

Cacafuego is also the nickname of a 16th century Spanish galleon captured by Sir Francis Drake (El Draque or The Dragon as he was known to his Spanish victims). The ship's original name was Nuestra Seńora de la Concepción (Our Lady of Conception), but for some reason it's called by her sailors as "cagafuego" (fireshitter) or "cacafuego" (shitfire).

It was Drake's biggest plunder: it took his crew four days to transfer the cargo from the Cacafuego. In all, Drake got 80 pounds of gold, 26 tons of silver, 13 cases of silver coins, jewels, and more.

Synonym: BLATHERSKITE, BRAGGADOCIO, FANFARON, GASCONADER, and RODOMONTADE (English is full of this kind of word, though I think caca "shit fire" fuego is in a class of its own!)

REFERENCES

- Depraved and Insulting English, a marvelous book by Peter Novobatzky and Ammon Shea. Highly, highly recommended.
- The Free Dictionary by Farlex
- Free Thesaurus by DonationCoder (based on Grady Ward's Moby Thesaurus)
- Miriam-Webster Unabridged Dictionary (it's behind a paywall)

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- Various synonyms for infringe:

- Betty Bouffant  
Bolloxinion  
Chief Boot Knocka  
Caspar Milquetoast  
 
Synonyms for breasts: breast augs, breasties, breastworks, briskets, bristen, brown eyes, bubatoes, bubbied, bubbies, boovies, borsties, bosiasm(s), bosoms, boulders, bouncers, bra-busters, brassiere food, bread bags, beef bags, berks, bezongas, big chester, bikini fillers, bikini stuffers, blaaters, blossoms, bobbers, boobiferous, boobifers, boobulars, boom-booms, 44s, air bags, amply endowed, apple dumplings, appurtenances, assets, atom bombs, babaloos, babooms, baby bar, the, baby pillows, babys dinners, bags, bags of mystery, bajongas, ballasts, balloons, baloobas, bamboochas, baps, barges, bazonkers, bawangos, bazoongies, bazumbas, bean bags, beanbags, beauties, begonias, bejonkers, bell peppers, bellys, bubs, buckets, buddies, buddings, buds, buffers, bulbs, bumps, burgeoning bunnies, busters, butter bags, buzwams, cabmans rests, cadabies, Cafe la Mama, cajooblies, carry a bundle, casabas, cats, chalubbies, charmers, chebs, chee chees, cherrylets, cherry-topped sundaes, chest and bedding, chest bunnies, chest flesh, chest pillows, chest puppies, choozies, chubbies, chubblies, chubs, chudleighs, chumbawumbas, chungas, chupas, chussies, chichitas, chicken-breasted, classy pair, coat hangers, cokernuts, cones, cow-tits, croopers, desirable fleshy parts, devils, Cupids kettledrums, cups, diddleys, dollies, Dollys, draggy udders, droopers, dubbies, dubs, dumplings, Dutch Alps, dzwonies, east and west, easts and wests, ellens, endearing physical attributes, fat flabs, fat sacks, featherweights, feeding bottles, female appurtenances, female bubbies, female charms, female goodies, female upper bombosities, filled-out, flab hangings, flabby melons, flapjacks, flat-chested, flesh bombs, fleshy charms, fleshy interests, fleshy parts (of a woman), floppers, floppy tits, floppy whites, flops, flyspecks, fore-buttocks, fountain(s), front bumpers, frontal development, fulsome, full load, gazungas, gentlemans pleasure, gib teesurbs, globular hemispheres, good set of lungs, goonas, grapefruits, grapes, graysons, groodies, growths, grudies, guavas, gubbs, hammertons, hammocks, headers, hills, hills of paradise, Hindenburgs, honchos, honeydew melons, honeydews, howitzers, hubbies, Irish draperies, ivory hills, jaboos, jabs, jiggle bosoms, jigglers, jigglies, Jersey Cities, jibs, juicy peaches, jumblaaters, jumbos, kajooblies, lactoids, large-breasted, little drinks, loblollies, lollies, lollos, love pillows, loves strawberries, love bubbles, love buds, lung nuts, lung warts, lulus, maiden pinks, majonkers, mamas, mamazulons, mammaries, mammary mounds, mammets, mamms, mams, manapuas, mangoes, masob(s), massive mammaries, mastos, mastunculi, matched set pair, mazoomas, memories, mezoomas, midgies, milk bar, milk bags, milk bottles, milk buckets, molehills, mollicoes, mollies, moon balloons, mosob(s), mosquito bites, mounds, mounds of lilies, mount everests, mount of lilies, mountains, milk sacks, milk shop, milk wagons, milkers, milkshakes, mulligans, mumbas, mimpins, mochi hills, nacks, nancies, nature's founts, nenes, niblets, nice handfuls, nice pair of eyes, nice puppies, nice set, ninnies, ninny jugs, nippers, nipply doo dahs, nips, niptastic mate, nit tits, nobs, nodules, noogies, nuggies, nugs, nungers, nupies, of classic proportions, oomlaaters, oranges, orbs of snow, other parts, ottomans, overblaaters, pair of Cupids kettledrums, pair of headlights, pair of kettledrums, palookas, palpable characters, panters, pantry shelves, pap heads, papayas, peach of a pair, peaks, peanuts, pechitos, pectoral bubbies, pectoral bulges, pectoral eminences, pectoral excurvations, pectoral handfuls, pectoral ninnies, pendulant breasts, perkies, personalities, picayunes, pillows, pimples, pimples on a chest, pimples on the chest, pips, Play-Doh, playground, the, pleasant eminences, pleasingly plump, plumpies, pneumatic bliss, pointers, pokers, pom-poms, pontoons, porcelain spheres, poundering complexities, pretty lungs, prominent bosom, pumpkins, pus glands, queenies, ree-langers, rib cushions, rising beauties, racks, roploplos, runts, saggers, sagging summer squash, saggy pig tits, sandbags, roundies, scones, scoops, semiglobes, set of jugs, shakers, shimmies, shock absorbers, skin sacks, slugs, smosobs, smudges, smurfs, snorbs, snuggle pups, soft cadaby, softest part of a woman's torso, speed bags, speed bumps, spheres, spooters, stacked well up, stacks, stits, stonkers, squashy bits, superdroopers, superdupers, sweater dandies, sweater meat, sweater treats, sweet glands, sweet rolls, ta-tas, tabs, tamales, tatas, tater tots, tattas, teacups, teats, tetinas, tetitas, thousand pities, threateners, tiskies, tit for tats, titties, titty bug, tooters, top ballocks, top balls, top buttocks, top-heavy, top set, torpedoes, towns and cities, treasure chest(s), tremblers, turrets, twangers, twin lovelies, twin peaks, two beebees on a bread board, two on the town, two rounded hillocks, twofers, udders, uglies, umlauts, upper regions, upper works, ups, upstairs, vavooms, veiled twins, voos, waawaas, waldos, wallopies, wammers, waterbags, wazzojugs, whammers, whoa mammas, whoppers, well-rounded, wobblers, wombies, wongas, yabbos, yams, zeppelins, zeps, torso job, tit puller, thelorthia, mammitis, frankentits, dog in a blanket, bubby heaters, anisomastia, boob sandwich, breast form, bushel bubby, chuberteens, tit bondage, tit discipline, titty torture, titty discipline, tit torture, titty bondage, paps, nums, puppies, scar-crossed prunes, watermelons, cherries, British Standard Handful(s), dugs, dodas, contours, cliff, catheads, breast bondage, breast torture, breast work, amastia, Ackerman Types, attitudes, berkeleys, berkleys, B.S.H., bazooms, bazookas, full pack, knobs, knobbies, jubblies, jublies, jobblies, mammilla, meatballs, mammary glands, macromastia, Mae West(s), mods and rockers, palpitators, P.T.A., involutional gyneacomastia, Lucy and Ethel, Mickey and Minnie, mastocontrectation, mastolagnia, jizz spider, Laverne and Shirley, good figure, gynecomastia, gynecomasty, gopher tits, aerola mammae, areola of the mammary gland, areola papillaris, alveoli, bolt-ons, bibble chunks, dinners, diddy, brutal breasting, buds of beauty, bubby hutch, bubby trader, callimammapygian, callimastian, buttons, chapel hat pegs, chest surgery, well-furnished, Wilma and Betty, tit-whip, tithioscopia, titty-freak, tittivate, titty twister, top surgery, titty masher, tit queen, tit tips, tit king, Thelma and Louise, thrupenny bits, tic-tac smuggling, tic-tacs, sillycones, strawberries, papilla, rosebuds, raspberries, raspberry ripple, points, Pointer Sisters, The, binding, breast, brace and bits, Brad Pitts, breastage, Brummagem bubbies, Bristol bits, Bristol City, bristols, blubber bags, blubbers, blamps, blinders, big brown eyes, big browneys, bodacious tatas, bonbons, berthas, boob job, boobies, boobs, boosiasm(s), boosies, apple-dumpling shop, apples, Ackerman breast types, babys public house, balcony, baby bumpers, bazoombas, bazoomas, bazoomy, bazoongas, bazongas, basculocolpia, basket of goodies, barbettes, bangers, B-cups, beauts, bee bites, chestnuts, chesty, chichis, charleys, charlies, cat and kitties, cat heads, buxom, charms, cans, cantaloupes, cakes, buns, busty, bumpers, bumpy jumpers, bunnies, dindins, diddies, dirty pillows, dockyard rivets, doos, double D-cups, double D's, double-diddied, doll-tits, erotomastia, eye-pleasing fruit, elders, classic proportions, chones, coconuts, cow-uddered, cream jugs, dairies, dairy arrangements, dairy farm, goodies, globus hystericus, glands, glandular endowments, globes, fried eggs, gazongas, fun bags, garbanzos, garbonzos, gavabos, fuck udders, full-bosomed, flip-flaps, flip-flops, fleshy bagpipes, flesh bag, flat as a board, flat as a pancake, grids, headlamps, headlights, heavers, hee-haws, hemispheres, hand-warmers, handfuls, hangers, jalobies, Jersey bounce, honkers, hooters, loaded, loaves, Lewis and Witties, knockers, lactopoietic glands, kettledrums, kitten's noses, knackers, knick-knacks, jobbies, jubes, jubbies, jugs, junoesque, kahunas, maracas, marshmallows, Mary Poppins, meguffies, melons, mcguffies, meat loaves, milk cans, milk churners, milk jugs, love muffins, lungs, M & Ms, lovelies, lovely bunch of cokernuts, lumps, Manchester City, manchesters, over the shoulder(s), orbs, num-nums, nummies, nubbies, nubbin, nubbins, nubs, nuggets, Norgen-Vaazes, norgs, norgies, norkers, norks, Norma Snokkers, nackers, nay-nays, nards, nick-nacks, murphies, milky way, the, muffins, points of interest, plungers, pride and joy, potatoes, ponts, poonts, pap, pecs, pair, pears, peaches, piss in the dugout, plaster job, piggies, pects, stubs, stuffing, spuds, silicones, tale of two cities, sweets, swingers, sweaterful, stacked, set, Rubenesque, smarties, smosabs, shoulder boulders, three-penny bits, tetons, teat, tit man, tit-bits, tissue-paper titties, tit, titticulture, TNT, tom-tit, tomatoes, toora-loorals, top ones, tittivated, tits man, tittens, wobbly bits, whamdanglers, yummies, wooly west, world, warts, wares, warheads, tracy bits, tray bits, topside, toraloorals, twin hills, trey bits, very best, upper deck, upper decks, two raisins on a bread board, twins, the, well-proportioned, titter, bubby circus, bosom, cupcakes, nub, pancakes, meat market, tidbits, peepers, rocks, round out, quiver, pygmies' cocks, props, pneumatic, pearl necklace, mazophallist, pasties, Silastic, sex hormones, snuggle pup, runcible, secondary sex characteristics, surphling of breasts, sweetest valley, sweet line, sport the dairy, tit-bit, tit-smacker, tit-fucker, titty, topless, tit-wanker, viral hepatitis, vertical bra, uptown gal, toucherism, toucheurism, warmest valley, well-loaded, well-endowed, zaftig, zoftig, mesoseinia, mastophallator, mammonyms, mammilate, looker, a, padded bra, padding, Page Three Girl, nipple, ninnies-splitter, jump the gun, jiggle, line of cleavage, leg man, lemons, horizontal bra, hotline, hypomastia, intermammary cleft, inverted nipple, falsy, fill out, fertility symbols, fetish, full-bosomed figure, full-figured, frontage

e.g., gay deceivers, give someone a grope, gow, corset, cow, colpkinophilia, colpoheterophrenia, colpopetia, clothes pegs, clothespeg, clothes pin, clothespin, clothespin torture, erotogenicity, docker's thumbs, bubby smoocher, callicolpia, bread, breast man, breast press, bubbies and cunt, bubby boob, bubby bube, boody, boob, berries, bees and bees, Bite of the Boar, beausom, beat the gun, bare-chested, B & B, B & T, abscess, acinus, ample-bodied woman, air the dairy, areola, anaclisis, anaclitism, bee stings, coitus a mammilla, coitus inter mammas, coitus intermammarius, coitus intramammas, titch, tits, Tit Valley Fuck, titty fuck, titwank, tit fucking, tit fuck, trip down mammary lane, tvf, sex between hills, sex between mountains, Russian, Russian arts, Russian culture, shoot between the fagots, pumps, cleavage, diddiride, curvesome, Dutch fuck, bust, bunny rub, chest, boob-balling, bombay roll, brassiere, go Dutch, fuck a brisket, fuck tits, figure, French fuck, muscle fuck, mammary intercourse, mammary coitus, mazophallate, mastophallation, fine figure, great divide, guy cramps, leg, beads, clamp, BT, button, falsies, clip, defemination, sex organs, sexual organs, sweater girl, well-equipped, titty-oggy, bdsm, bra

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- Google «"atom bomb" vs. "atomic bomb"».

e.g., Google «"in to" vs. into».

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    {ED. Nice try at promoting your commercial site, Sonya, but it's not gonna fly. I know a guru when I encounter one -- and you're no guru.}

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- make a table of html characters that can be copied and pasted into e-mails and blog posts

e.g., make a table of html characters that can be copied and pasted into e-mails and blog posts

submitted by ≤

peever - Not original. Someone who has pet peeves and makes no bones about expressing them.

e.g., Weaver is a peever -- and he definitely knows it. May even take pride in being one. He said recently, regarding his son and daughter, "It's not as if Dina and Scott don't know I'm cranky."

submitted by HD Fowler

potwalloper - Someone who whales the tar out of hemp.

e.g., The potwalloper was noted for his smooth-smokin', asphalt-free Mary Jane. (Betcha never suspected there were petroleum products in your weed, eh?)

submitted by S. Berliner, III - (www)

snogard - A dead dragon.

e.g., "Look, they're selling dead turtles at Kroger's." "Well, we'll be having snogard for dinner this evening. Maybe have the dead turtles later in the week."

submitted by Kitty - (www)

voter-freud - When political pundits attempt to use polling data to "psychoanalyze" the electorate, with varying degrees of success. The use of polling data, as if it were a crystal ball, to predict election results, is more art than science.

e.g., "At last, the presidential election is here. Thank God we'll be experiencing much less voter-Freud." "'Much less"? Won't it all go away today?" "Are you kidding? The political pundits need something to argue about. Polls show the President's popularity is at an all time low."

submitted by Mitchel Yerzy - (www)

"come, play..." scent - A small, seemingly insignificant happening, such as a brief whiff of a somewhat familiar perfume, that instantly evokes a nostalgic recall of a past, happy event. {ED. Reading those words evokes memories well over 60 years old -- the sulfur smells of a coal fire in the blacksmith shop down the street from my grandmother's house. Getting too close, the fire burns my eyes.}

e.g., I am sitting in my comfortable leather chair, reading, pleasantly warmed by the fire burning low in the fireplace, when I come to the words, "a summer night baseball game in a small town." Long forgotten images start swirling through my mind. I feel light-headed, sit back in my chair, and close my eyes. Am I having a "come, play..." scent moment? Suddenly, I am back there....  
 
My father, home early from work, enters through our front door. He is wilted and sweating from the hot, early evening July sun. "Hey kids," he says, spotting me, my sister, and brother watching TV in the living room, "It's going to be a beautiful night. Let's go see the Triplets beat the crap out of Wilkes Barre tonight!"  
 
My mother comes in from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. "Good idea," she says, "It's too hot to cook." While my mother gets ready, my sister and brother run around, yelling and shrieking, hitting each other, like all little kids do when they're excited. Before long, we pile into the car and are off to the ball park home of the Triplets, the NY Yankee farm team, serving all of us baseball-crazed denizens living in the industrial-based, three small adjacent communities, collectively called, "the Triple Cities."  
 
Now, once again the dusty aroma of the wooden bleachers, baking in the sun, rises, a pleasant smell, while the rest of the crowd comes in, noisily, bumping and jostling each other to get as comfortably arranged on the hard wood seats as possible. We hear the satisfying, sharp "crack" of bats hitting balls while the Triplets continue warm-up practice, then shouts of derision, boos, and insults from the crowd when it's Wilkes Barre's turn to warm up.  
 
The game starts. It's Whitey Ford, our best pitcher's turn on the mound, and our fans greet him with great cheers and shouts, "Kill them, Whitey!" "Let's go, Triplets!"  
 
Hot dogs are meant to be eaten outdoors. They taste the best then-- the vinegary and sharp bite of the mustard flows into the beefy juices of the slightly salty flavored meat. Bubbles in the bottle of my Nehi cream soda pop run up and tickle my nose. I drink it too quickly -- I feel hot in the warm sun, and anxious for the soda's cooling effect.  
 
The game progresses as the teams strive mightily to overcome the other -- the crowd loud in its favoritism, moves, and intermittently sits and stands through the long innings, while the sun steps down and weakens in its arc, until a chill touches the air.  
 
The night clicks on the stadium lights, bright and shining in the dark, and swarms of moths, like luminous clouds of living confetti, flutter up to, and dance in a circle all around the glow. High above, night stars twinkle in celebration of a perfect summer night. I'm out of school with long days until September, and I'm here, young and vigorous, having a great time, yelling and laughing with my neighbors, enjoying the company of my Mom and Dad, and even the two "brats" behave, and I am remembering it all -- a special summer night baseball game in a small town, the night when the Triplets "beat the crap" out of Wilkes Barre.

submitted by Charlie Lesko

"quarantine-like" - An obfuscation of the legal term used by the CDC definition of the word quarantine: not quarantined. {ED. Sort of like AT&T's contracting with customers for "unlimited" data transfers and then using throttling to limit the amount of data transferred. Or great-grandfather's thinking he was signing up for unlimited sex with great-grandmother when they got married. Even in the days before women's liberation, that was never going to happen. GGF may have been up for sex, but he wouldn't get any unless GGM was willing to go along with him, even if she wasn't all that interested. My GGF found another woman who WAS interested -- in a nearby small town.}

e.g., The Executive Branch placed the Army in "quarantine-like" isolation.

submitted by Ira Agatstein - (www)

"rap" punzel - A contemporary folk tale about a female American singer, famous for her musical renditions in the Rap music genre.

e.g., Winner of five grammy awards for her hit albums and singles, Sylvia "Rap" Punzel had led a life of total seclusion away from the musical stage. Her stern stepmother-manager kept her from all social contact, in their tower-mansion, high in the hills of Hollywood. A. Gootkindova Prince, famous in his own right as an Eastern European folk singer, met her one night when they were both guests on the David Letterman Show, and immediately fell in love with her. Unfortunately, "Rap" Punzel's empty life left her emotionally cold, distant, and unfeeling. Undeterred, A.G. Prince followed her to her mansion-tower, and, every evening, serenaded her, patiently, with warm and gentle love songs and lullabies. In time, "Rap" Punzel relaxed, let down her hair, and returned his love. They married, and unlike most Hollywood love stories, they lived together, happily ever after.

submitted by Charlie Lesko

"so shall" ite - A dictator of either gender.

e.g., Our neighbor, Beverly, is a down-to-earth contributor to our community. She pitches in at PTA functions, chauffeurs kids and runs errands at sports events, and handles her assignments on her church committee without any complaint. When it comes to her husband, Will, however, she acts as a true "so shall" ite.

submitted by Charlie Lesko

"the" - As in the word the but with quotes, "the." Vernacular-punctuative distinction placed on the noun preceded by article; when spoken, emphasis is simply placed on article rather than noun.

e.g., I went to see "the" Kate the other day. Variants: I went to see "the Kate" the other day. I went to see The Kate the other day.

submitted by Ronnie Donn

#rosinesing - To #rosinesing is to take a picture of yourself fanning everyday items in front of your face. "Some Twitter users are mocking Rosines' photo by taking photos of themselves flaunting everyday items, calling the craze #rosinesing."

e.g., Hey, Clarice, come over tonight and we'll spend some time #rosinesing.

submitted by HD Fowler - (www)

$200k - Used when describing an athlete with bottom-dwelling skills. Refers to the $200,000 minimum salary of major-league baseball players. Two-hundred-K.

e.g., Did you see that scrub they brought in to pitch in the 7th inning? He was so $200k.

submitted by Dan Levinson

$mas - The gift-giving holiday that now begins in mid-October and ends in early January.

e.g., Look at all the loot I got for $mas.

submitted by Wendy

ēĥatrasǔdōġenic - (Ee-at-ra-syoo-doe-jen-ic) The state of mind when somebody has only a single thought in her head.

e.g., Tom was focused on passing his driving test. He was ēĥatrasǔdōġenic.

submitted by stan

π.Χ. "pi-chi" - (Rhymes with sigh-key, but sometimes pronounced to rhyme with sci-fi; adv.of time) 1. My version of "Before Christ"--_before_is Anglo-Saxon, but_Christ_is Greek: ΧΡΙΣΤΟΣ ‘Annointed One.' My solution is to put both words in the Greek: προ Χριστού _pro Christou_‘before Christ.’ The acronym is π.Χ. (p.Ch. if you transliterate into English letters). Of course, some don't like using just the Chi (X) because of the "they've-taken-Christ-out-of-Christmas" conundrum (I'll not go into it here (save perhaps by a brief paralepsis: The_X_in_Xmas_should not be pronounced "eks," since it is, in fact, the Greek letter Chi (pronounced 'key' or 'kai': so the word "Xmas" should be pronounced, not "eksmuss" but "keymuss." Not that that pronunciation will catch on any time soon). Anyway, if someone needs to be sure that I'm not deleting God from the term, I sometimes say it "pie-KEY-row" (πΧρ).

e.g., I sometimes feel bad about everyone BCE-ing all the BCs. I measure time from the birth of my Lord; calling it something different changes nothing, so I use my π.Χ. It doesn't really bother anyone I know, and it makes for a fun bit of conversation. If anyone really has a problem about such things, I think we ought to simply switch to positive and negative numbers. (But I'd get rid of that idiotic year 0; all it does is confuse everyone. Isn't the 0 the moment between the last second of year -1 (1 π.Χ.) and the first second of year +1?).

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

'as - Has as a Cockney might say it. Suggested by my inadvertently leaving off the h in an e-mail.

e.g., "So far, the Google Political Correctness Police either haven't noticed the gmail account or decided not to bother deleting it -- as 'as happened to several accounts I've opened in the past."

submitted by HD Fowler - (www)

'boss - Short for emboss. Used as a verb. To 'boss something is to emboss it.

e.g., That font could use a little dimension. Can you 'boss it?

submitted by Filip

'cha - Interjection. Used to agree with a statement, sometimes sarcastically or in response to a sarcastic statement. Roughly equivalent to "Yeah, right." From an expression oft uttered by a character on the television program Mad TV, the Lancome Lady, played by Nicole Sullivan.

e.g., Paul: Looks like we're due to get dumped on this winter -- fun, fun, fun. Debi: 'Cha! I can't wait to dig my car out of the snow.

submitted by P-Man

'cube - 1. Ice. 2. Cubicles. 3. Dice. 4. Box(es) 5. Anything even remotely cube-shaped that you want to name in a derogatory manner. 6. Anything even remotely cube-shaped that you want to describe and make sound cooler than "a box" or "a square."

e.g., 1. Hey, put some 'cubes in my soda, will ya? 2. Who's working in the third floor 'cubes today? 3. Toss those 'cubes, Robbie -- it's your turn. 4. So what's in these 'cubes lying on the floor? 5. Stupid 'cube. It went bluescreen and crashed on me. 6. SpongeBob Squarepants is one cool 'cube.

submitted by Rainbow Woman

'flatestrap - A strap used to keep things from inflating.

e.g., Oh, no, the balloon is filling up with gas. We should put the 'flatestrap on it so it doesn't blow.

submitted by ceana

'itis - Sloth-like state of laziness and shirk. Not wanting to do any work, as in hot tropical climates.

e.g., I got the 'itis real bad today. I just can't seem to shake it.

submitted by Dan

'k-nell - An exclamation of surprise or shock. Contraction of a popular expletive, expressing same.

e.g., 'K-nell, don't sneak up on me like that.

submitted by Greg

'n-american - First sound is a glottal stop. A resident of the USA who is not of Anglo-Saxon ancestry.

e.g., Don't call him that. It's bigoted. He's an 'n-American.

submitted by Daniel Spaulding

'peat - Referring to a repeated TV show, especially when one expected an original episode. Something that occurs so frequently it requires a monosyllabic name.

e.g., I was going to watch Six Feet Under, but it was a 'peat.

submitted by James McLaren

'round by laura's (house) - Of going a good distance out of the way when traveling.

e.g., We'd a ben hur too oursago if'n Steve had'n gon 'round by Laura's house.

submitted by steve zihlavsky

'sma'am - [pronounced smam (rhymes with scram); interj.] contraction of "yes, ma'am."

e.g., "Jack! Bring up s'more ammo for your sister's sniper rifle!" "'sma'am!"

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

'smatterchoo - What's the matter with you?

e.g., 'Smatterchoo? You know you're not supposed to eat cookies before dinner.

submitted by Eric Belt

'sole - Arsehole or asshole, but potentially less offensive.

e.g., You know Chris? He be a complete 'sole.

submitted by dekoi

'soonist - Someone who plays all types of bassoon, including the double bassoon.

e.g., The 'soonist Kyle Newman played a mind-boggling tune in the spring concert.

submitted by Whiz Kid Forte

'spensive - So expensive it becomes 'spensive.

e.g., His boat cost him two fortunes. It sure was 'spensive.

submitted by Rachael Barnes

'splode - To explode in a funny and extremely messy way, usually including food and possibly a microwave. | To have an extremely funny temperamental meltdown or ranting session -- again, a messy but entertaining explosion

e.g., I never saw a microwave peep 'splode in a microwave before. | It was incredible, the way that guest 'sploded on Jerry Springer's show last week. I laughed for six hours straight. Jerry was not as happy about it as I was, having to throw away his favorite tie.

submitted by MsFledermaus - (www)

'streme - Extreme. 'Xtreme.

e.g., What John said about you was way 'streme.

submitted by Rix - (www)

't (space) (verb) - The correct form of 'tis, 'twere, 'twasn't, 'tisn't, and so forth. Such forms as "'tis" ignore the fact that the space being taken out from between the contracted "it" and the "is" itself requires an apostrophe. Following this practice, such a construct would be "'t'is."

e.g., 'T was the night before the holiday the Christians stole from the pagans (well, the one in December, anyway), and all was quiet in the house.

submitted by apeiron

'tude - Slang or short form for attitude. Generally meaning nasty or not nice.

e.g., Just do as you're told, and spare me the rude 'tude, dude.

submitted by Allan Gies

'w'amnesia - A condition where someone vividly remembers the presidency of George W. Bush and still believes the Republicans have a better plan for the economy.

e.g., Millions of voters, suffering from 'W'amnesia, are planning to go to the polls to vote for a candidate who will bring back the economic policies that caused the last recession.

submitted by Scott M

'zaaah - Pizza.

e.g., When we got hungry, we devoured some 'zaaah.

submitted by eli

(cyber) digits - A person's e-mail address, URL, instant messaging screen name, or other web-related contact info. From"digits," referring to a person's phone number. | Phone number, usually extracted from a member of the opposite sex at a singles function. | (n.) Your address and or phone number (and probably your social security number and e-mail address (although e-mail addresses are generally not comprised solely of digits … but then, neither are street addresses)). [Since I don't get out much, I didn't hear this usage until I saw it in a kids' book called Ghostville Elementary from back in 2003.]

e.g., I just got that cute guy's cyber digits. I'm going to e-mail him tomorrow. | Whadday ya think, Smith? Will that chick give me her digits? | "So, how are we going to do this project?" "Forget how. Do we even know WHERE we're gonna do it?" "Hey guys. We can use the old barn behind my house!" "Good idea! what are your digits?"

submitted by Jordana | Gary S. | Scott M. Ellsworth

(en)gineeroglyphs - (n.) 1. the mathematical and quasimathematical symbols used by engineers on plans and blueprints. (n.) 2. (en)gineeroglyphics: the spoken jargon and written ideograms and mathematical symbols of the engineering discipline.

e.g., "Is this the sprinkler system plan? ... I don't-- I can't read Gineeroglyphs, get me an engineer."

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

(prefix)fucking(suffix) - Tmesis. Infix usage (prefix)Tmesing(suffix) is used for emphasis: "unbelievable" becomes "unfuckingbelievable"; "absolutely" becomes "absofuckinglutely"; "incredible" becomes "infuckingcredible"; "fantastic" becomes "fanfuckingtastic," and so on. Additions to the list may be placed here.

absofuckinlutely -- submitted by: Joseph B. Adams
disfuckingusting -- submitted by: creative guy
unfuckingbelievable -- submitted by: pcgruf

e.g., The number of words submitted that violate our guidelines is infuckingcredible.

submitted by beelzebub - (www)

(word)**n - For a word repeated n times. Where it will display properly, wordn.

e.g., I really**6 get tired of typing the same thing over and over again. | What we really**2 need is some pseudomathematical shorthand to use here.

submitted by HD Fowler

*$ - Starbucks.

e.g., I'm stopping at *$ on the way home -- you want anything?

submitted by Dan Garvin

-(e)ndo - (verb suffix) 1. that must (or should) be X'ed (X being the verb to which the suffix is attached) (from the Latin delenda est Carthago "Carthage must be destroyed" -- the favorite speech-ender of Cato the Elder.)

e.g., "Hey, wanna go see a movie and grab some za?" "Can't: 'The Sun also Rises.'" "What? do it tomorrow, man." "Hey, readendo, dude." | "I can't stand all these glitches ... debuggendo!"

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

-acho - (noun suffix) in Esperanto, adding -acho to the end of a noun makes it bad, filthy, worthless, unworthy, etc.; hence, in English, 1. suffix meaning low, bad, disgusting, filthy, rude, mean, vulgar, and so forth. 2. as a word by itself, something disgusting, bad, vicious, or low. 3. (as a verb) to render something disgusting, filthy, or vile.

e.g., "We're having to use the old junior high school while they rebuild the burned out high school. The trouble is that the old school is ... like, schoolacho." | "Wow, man, you stink! Go shower or something, cause you are smellacho." | "The gangs have really achoed this neighborhood: all there is is crackhouses and grafitti."

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

-age - Suffix placed on the end of just about anything for no particular reason. Sometimes used just for variety, sometimes used to create interjections from verbs. Used extensively at one time by Amanda Quan of Seattle, WA. | A suffix that can be added, against all rules of grammar and logic, to the end of nouns and verbs to make new nouns and verbs.

e.g., Hook me up some cheeseage. | (After pulling off a difficult nosegrind on your skateboard) Oooh, grindage. | There's a serious lack of foodage in Tony's house. | In the marathon, she expected to be getting her runnage on for at least two hours.

submitted by Zippy Von Zippy | mikedawg56 - (www)

-age --> -agic rule - (n., process) An English suffixation rule [which should be] applicable to nouns ending in "-age," such as "Mage," from which are derived adjectives, such as "Magic" (i.e., the "art of a mage"), which can then become nouns themselves. For some reason, this particular derivational suffix disappeared from English despite the large number of -age words; it is, nonetheless, very useful for the creation of adjectives of slightly different meaning from the currently accepted ones. It helps, moreover, with postpositive constructions, such as "he is an idiot villagic" instead of "he is a village idiot."

e.g., "You're studying anger in traffic accidents?" "Yes, I am interested in all things road-ragic." | "Whether the cup is half empty or half full is irrelevant: our purpose in life is far more than ullagic conundrums." | "Management and Labor are always having wagic arguments." | "How's my lipstick?" "Your lipstick?! Listen, in that decolletagic piece of frippery, nobody's going to notice your lipstick."

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

-alia - Suffix (in plural nouns) "Items connected with the particular area of activity or interest mentioned." You can use it to make up words such as "kitchenalia."

e.g., "Steven Weber's leavings [at Huffington Post] also remind me of a particular style of juvenalia -- the eighth-grade boy's attempt at heavy metal songwriting." | "Steven Weber is a moron of the highest caliber. Formerly an actor turned adult writer of juvenalia, he has declared, if I remember right, that his trusty sixth-grade Words for Big Kids! thesaurus is his co-author in his screeds."

submitted by HD Fowler - (www)

-ance, -ench rule - (n.) The rule that derives the adjective_French_from the noun_France_. Such a rule, applied to modern English, would be highly productive, since we have so many nouns that end in -ance. Note, however, that the rule applies only to noun:adjective pairs. So, e.g., France : French; :: chance : chench (of or pertaining to chance); dance : dench (of or pertaining to dance); :: glance : glench (of or pertaining to glancing); :: lance : lench (of or pertaining to lances); :: trance : trench (of or pertaining to trances); :: stance : stench (of or pertaining to stances); :: advance : advench (of or pertaining to an advance).

e.g., "Sometimes, chance creates coincidences." "So you think this was a chench meeting?" "Yes." "That's preposterous!" "Oh, I think it's romantic." "... You mean romench, don't you?"

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

-arific - Suffix meant to emphasize or increase the importance of a word, either good or bad. (See "-a-licious," "-tastic," and "xtra-.")

e.g., The movie was explosarific.

submitted by Ross

-ass - Emphasis suffix.

e.g., That was a creepy-ass movie. | This is a gross-ass sandwich. | That was a stupid-ass movie.

submitted by lauryn

-dron(e) - (Rhymes with prone; suffix) Attached to a Greek number word (e.g., tetra, dodeka, vel cet.), a three-dimensional geometric construct which must obey your every command. [From -dron "three-dimensional construct" and drone "mindless servants."]

e.g., "Curse you, suitcase! Thou art but a cuboid hexahedrone: Thou hast no power to resist my will! Thou SHALT engulf and contain all this clothing (including the shoes) without unseemly bulging! Thou shalt pop neither thy zippers nor thy seems! Stint not thy capaciousness, hexadrone, lest I summon the wonderly massive sumo wrestler down the hall to sit upon thee and crush thy pride and thy reckless defiance, that I may close thee with thy clasps and zippers, and bind thee with bonds of cord and chain, and, willy nilly, return home, make thee to disgorge all thy contents, and give thee into the hands of eBay!"

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

-esque - Added to a word to make it descriptive of another object not usually described by the word, or to give the word more descriptive emphasis.

e.g., Her makeup was very Monet-esque.

submitted by Lisa

-gate - Suffix attached to a word to indicate some scandal associated with it. From "Watergate." Used for example in Irangate, Billygate, etc.

e.g., Strangely, the Whitewater scandal was not called Whitewatergate.

submitted by The Puffin

-ifying - Add to the end of an adjective to extend the amount of syllables in a line (poetic sense) or just to make yourself sound "sophistimacated."

e.g., "What do you think of the movie?" Delorfirith asked. "It was so … so … borifying," Fitly replied.

submitted by Delorfirith

-in-a-box - Added to a word such as fun or excitment as sarcasm.

e.g., Paul: This weekend we should like go 'n like do stuff and like, yeah. Tear: Oh, yeah, excitement-in-a-box.

submitted by tear - (www)

-ine - (rhymes with VINE or BEAN; adjectival suffix) When added to a noun ending in "-or" and, at times, in "-er," -ine creates the adjective corresponding to the noun thus suffixed: that is, "of or pertaining to [noun]" (see examples below).

e.g., Anchorine: of or pertaining to anchors; Arborine: of or pertaining to arbors or trees (the English translation of "arbor"); Cantorine: of or pertaining to singers, especially religious singers (as the cantor of a synagogue); Electorine: of or pertaining to voters (electors); Lectorine: of or pertaining to readers, especially one reading a lecture to a group, audience, class, or congregation; Liquorine: of or pertaining to alcoholic beverages; Gatorine: of or pertaining to crocodilids; Neighborine: of or pertaining to one's neighbors; Parlorine: of or pertaining to parlors; Razorine: of or pertaining to razors; Rumorine: of or pertaining to a rumor or rumors; Sailorine: of or pertaining to sailors or a life at see; Tumorine: of or pertaining to a tumor or tumors; Vendorine: of or pertaining to sales or sellers (or a particular sale); Victorine: of or pertaining to a winner, winners, or winning.

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth - (www)

-ing - A suffix to turn a word into a verb -- contrary to the actual rules of English.

e.g., Verbing is a good way of showing that you have far too much spare timing.

submitted by Fionacat - (www)

-ingo - (n., suffix) 1. Socket for (or container or holder of) something; by extension, on its own ("ingo"), 2. The proper place for something (e.g., a battle station, desk, spot on the organization chart, etc.); also 3. The position to which someone aspires or the goal they want to reach.

e.g., "Ow! You don't have any flashlights? Well, this candle's bur--yeow!--burning my hand! Gimme a ... whatever it's called ... you know: a candle-ingo! Gah!...okay, never mind: I dropped it, it's snuffed. You know, I think I'll just sit here and let my third-degree burns heal in the dark, thanks." | "Minister, Downing Street is your Ingo!"

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

-iser - Suffix for kitchen appliances, to make them sound cooler.

e.g., Betty: I just made some waffles in my waffleironiser. Jane: Ha, I just made a smoothie in my blenderiser. Top that.

submitted by sam

-ish - Kind of, sort of. Multi-purpose suffix for everything. Can also be used alone -- usually with a waggle of the dominant hand. |

A suffix (used mostly with adjectives) that means the same thing as "kind of" or "kind of like" when added to a word.

e.g., This is cool … ish. (In response to a question like "How's it goin'?" with the associated hand waggle.) Ish. |

"The house looks purple-ish from this angle," said Sophie. What did you think of the concert's story-ish format?

submitted by Olivia | Katabrain

-ized - Strange American way of ending words. A no-brainer way of turning nouns into verbs. Frowned upon by many pedants.

e.g., British English: The burglar burgled the house. American English: The burglar burglarized the house.

submitted by Keithy

-iznatch - Attached to the end of a word either for emphasis or because you can't remember the rest of the word. Always follows a consonant.

e.g., Emphatic: "Mama, we're out of hot sauce. You'd better get yo'self to the stiznatch." Forgetful: "Yeah, you know, that one word … antidisestablishm … -iznatch."

submitted by Jersey Faceplant

-izz- - Used to extend a word to make it sound gangsta. You split a word in two, the first half in front of -izz- and the second half behind. (ED. Snoop Dogg himself declared izzle-speak to be out.)

e.g., I wizzant that new City Stars deck. It's cizzool.

submitted by alex - (www)

-let - A diminutive suffix. Indicates something is small or cute. Used on proper names (often nauseating in this usage) as well as other nouns.

e.g., Look, a cute little birdlet.

submitted by garth - (www)

-ling - (Word)ling; a smaller, usually less powerful version of anything.

e.g., Where'd you buy that cute little phoneling?

submitted by Rick O'Shay

-mafied - Suffix that just plain sounds cool. Usually intimating that there's been an intentional "change" or effect on something, likely caused by you. A similar ending: -macated.

e.g., After the most fab manicure my fingers are beautimafied.

submitted by jennieB

-ness - A modifier used after a word to make it extra snappy. Can use "sweet," "cool," and many similar words with "-ness." (ED. May be used as a crutch for those with limited vocabularies, unlike the pseudodoctrinati -- whose vocabularies are virtually limitless.)

e.g., "I got a new car." "Niceness."

submitted by Julia

-on-a-stick - Emphasis-adding adjectival suffix.

e.g., That exam was pure fecal matter-on-a-stick.

submitted by sergeantbaker

-orium - Suffix. Added to a word to produce the name of a place where the root word is found.

e.g., I'm going to the bookorium to see what's new. Then I'm going to the foodorium to get some pretzels for a snack.

submitted by sal

-phibe - (Rhymes with TRIBE; n.) 1. One who embraces the dark side of something, especially a twisted version of something good; 2. Someone who, for some reason, attacks that which they hate or fear by characterizing it as horrible, disgusting (etc.) as possible. [From the 1971 Vincent Price film, The Abominable Dr. Phibes.]

e.g., "He's afraid of cats?"
"No. He's actually fixated on dead cats, decomposing cats, zombie ... cats."
"Ah, so he's not an ailurophobe; he's an ailurophibe."

submitted by scott m. ellsworth - (www)

-ship - (n.) 1. A relationship (romantic or platonic) between two people; (v.) 2. To create, observe, or hypothesize a relationship (romantic or platonic) between two people; 3. To recognize and support a particular relationship (romantic or platonic) between two people. [Apparently, my daughter tells me, a type of fan-fiction in which the writer explores relationships contrary to the actual canon.]

e.g., "Jillyship," for example, is evidently fan-fiction slang for the husband-and-wife relationship of James and Lilly Potter (from the Harry Potter books (yes, there really are quite a few people out there who do not know the ins and outs of Potter-dom)); other, noncanonical -ships, include Lupillyship (Remus Lupin and Lilly Evans), Snillyship (Severaus Snape and Lilly Evans), etc. Fan-fiction -ships from other popular works are legion: Sauladrielship (Sauron and Galadriel), Ameriwidowship (Captain America and the Black Widow (I love the little "merry widow" in there)), Tegawho (Tegan Jovanka and Doctor Who), and so on and on. The weirdest, I think, is Gimleowin (Gimli the Dwarf and Eowin the (human) rider of Rohan)).... the Sauladriel one was, for me, the darkest and most disturbing. Any way, there it is: Use it in good health.  
 
Oh! Before I forget: when my daughter was telling me about this, she mentioned a marvelous pun someone made up. It seems that fan-fiction -ships often fall foul of ultra-conservative canonists, who are, shall we say, unfond of such extracanonical dallyings. The response by the fan-fictors is "Don't use your canon to blow holes in my -Ship!" Brilliant bit of wit, there ... brilliant.

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

-ski - Suffix added to someone's name, to indicate familiarity.

e.g., Joeski, how are you?

submitted by tim dunk

-tacular - Added to virtually any word to emphasize its spectacular attributes.

e.g., Did you see my sneakers? They are shoetacular.

submitted by Andy Papia - (www)

-tastic - Suffix meant to emphasize or increase the importance of a word, either good or bad. (See "-a-licious," "-arific," and "Xtra-.") | Suffix. When given a root, combines to make an adjective referring to a state of being. Add to the end of a single syllable word to emphasize it, and describe an extreme state of it.

e.g., That food was crap-tastic. | That's gotta be the ultimate shrimp lover's dish. It was shrimptastic.

submitted by Thomas | Ian

-ular - A suffix to emphasize it, in a good or bad way.

e.g., My hair is fuzzular today. Ew. | Those roses are smellular. | Tyrell: I got tickets to Rob Zombie. Johnny: Coolular.

submitted by Katie

. . . and a half - Used in conjunction with an adjective to emphasize it.

e.g., Red: I couldn't get the tickets today. Ted: Damn and a half.

submitted by Ashlee What'sOn

. . . or not - Phrase used when the speaker asks another person a question or makes a suggestion, but is ignored (whether on purpose or accidentally) or rebuked. Speaker uses phrase to recover from the embarrassment of being ignored in public, signaling that speaker can begin or resume work or conversation with others. Can also indicate a "taking back" of suggestion, question, or offer.

e.g., I asked Joann, "Want to go to dinner after choir?" She heard me, but turned around holding food. "… or not," I finished, to save myself from looking dumb. | "Lauri, want to go to the mall?" I asked. She walked past and pretended not to hear me, or perhaps truly didn't hear. "… or not," I finished, to save myself from looking stupid to anyone else that might have heard.

submitted by Tara DellaFranzia

..swice, eitce, neice.. - Have you ever noticed that we have words like once, twice, rarely thrice, and nothing higher? To remedy that situation I propose to continue with something like frice, fice, sice, swice, eitce, neice, and tice. I'm not sure that they would catch on very quickly or easily. {ED. Probably not.}

e.g., Swice did we go to the castle to see the queen, but only frice did we find her there, she being a very busy monarch directing all matters of state.

submitted by Paul Edic - (www)

.02012 .30201 - Stands for "elect Barack" [?] in 2012, in PhoneEdics system. Stress accent, check mark, grave accent dot below, dot circle below, and dot circle below, for "elect." {ED. As soon as a Republican nominee for POTUS is selected, we'll need to update this entry, eh?}

e.g., .02012 .30201 and see if that isn't a good choice. Try try again and see if he don't succeed. The opposition may have a tough time coming up with a suitable electable candidate.

submitted by Paul Edic

.03030 - Or .011101110. Simple forms of the name "Obama" in a certain numerical phonetic alphabet: 0 = any vowel, 3 = m, b, p, v, f … (1 = ng, g, k, h), and (2 = all the rest). © 2009 PhoneEdics

e.g., A more complete form of .03030 would include diacritical marks over each number, namely: inverse U, simple dot, small circle, horizontal line, and small circle dot below. This system is simple but probably not easily applied.

submitted by Paul Edic - (www)

.com - Use .com, .net, .org, etc. to emphasize.

e.g., That chick is hot.com. That guy is so hot.etc.

submitted by alex

:- - That's a two-character pseudo-colon:- I'll sometimes use it as punctuation in lieu of a colon, primarily when a list follows. Since it's a punctuation mark of my own invention (although I've seen that character string used elsewhere), it's best that no one have the effrontery to tell me I've used it incorrectly. Let's call it a fowler for now.

e.g., Nota bene:- I intend to exchange e-mails with you using the account we started with, and I'll do my best to make sure that happens from now on.

submitted by HD Fowler

:smileyjacked - An unintentional conversion of letters to graphic "smileys" when typing in a chat window.

e.g., Oops, looks like I got :smileyjacked. All these secret smileys are the bomb, don't ya think?

submitted by stennie - (www)

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submitted by - (www)

crampage - A frantic, physical reaction to an acute, intensely painful "freezing" of a leg muscle.

e.g., I awoke from a deep sleep to a mind numbing, continuously piercing electrical shock in the calf of my left leg. Throwing off the bed covers, I jumped out of bed and immediately went into a crampage, stomping around the room and down through the hall, arms flapping, and bellowing like a belligerent water buffalo. It's a scene I'll long remember, as my wife took video pictures of the event.

submitted by Charlie Lesko

anglotard - A stupid or uneducated Englishman. | Behaving in a manner suggesting both stupidity and English origin.

By extension and in general, "___tard" for a stupid, uneducated, or otherwise intellectually deficient person of any nationality -- making future "tard" references not only unnecessary but also redundant. There will have to be something "special" for any such submittals to be accepted from now on. We'll go that far in acquiescing to political correctness and to being sensitive to the feelings of the innocent, but probably not much further. After all, funny is funny, even if someone's feelings get hurt sometimes.

ED: I owe Scott Ellsworth a debt of gratitude for calling to my attention how needlessly hurtful such words can be, in a post he made to the now inoperable forum. It's not political correctness we're giving in to: it's recognizing that words do hurt real people. Remember defiantly saying as child, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Got news for you -- I've dished out far, far more hurt with words than I have physically. And I've been hurt in return.

e.g., The English countryside is littered with offensive anglotards. | The deal was soured by his incessant anglotard rants.

submitted by Timothy Peach - (www)

=) - Happy face: used to signify happiness or joy in a concise fashion.

e.g., so today i was just walking around minding my own bizniz when like omg out of the blue jerry comes up to me and he was just like y'know i know how bad it can be to break up i've had it myself and if you needed someone to talk to then y'know you could always. … i …i'm here if you need someone and then he was just gone out the back door and I was just like =) for the rest of the day (ED. Left as an exercise for the reader to convert into something close to comprehensible -- punctuation, capital letters, and all that jazz.)

submitted by Jbob

?:::::::::::::::: - Linguistic hate mail: the question mark is similar to the phonetic symbol for a glottal stop (as when you close your throat before coughing or in the middle of 'uh-uh'), and a colon, phonetically, indicates the lengthening (usually doubling the length) of the previous sound. Sixteen colons, as here, would mean something like lengthen the foregoing glottal stop by a factor of 2^16. Essentially, this innocuous string of symbols means "stop breathing [indefinitely]" or, more succinctly, "drop dead."

e.g., "Holmes! This telegram is nothing but a question mark and a bunch of colons!" "Of course, Watson! It's Linguistic murder!: Sir Lyle did not have an apoplectic seizure; he was strangled!" "Strangled, Holmes?! By a telegram?!" "Indeed, Watson. This case is unique in the annals of crime! It must be Moriarty!" "But, Holmes, that's absurd. He would have lost consciousness and started brea---" "Do not attempt to understate the depths to which some men will sink to accomplish their fiendish crimes. Do you not recall the foul Emmerson gang who wrought their evil with an Edison gramaphone and a photograph of Rutherford Hayes?! Why ... Watson! Watson! What's wrong? Ah, no! Watson, stop reading the telegram! You'll suffocate! Stop! LeStrade! Punch Watson in the head while I seize upon the cursed telegram." "Punch him in the head?! He'll punch me back." "Better you than me. Ready? Punch!" "Cough, cough, sputter ... oh, thank you Holmes! I was choking. But that's impossible, isn't it? Cough cough. Excuse me, old friend, while I beat the crap out of LeStrade." "Of course, watson, take your time."

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

@ - (n.) a[n American] republican(?), evidently from the resemblance of the 'at' symbol to an elephant's head (I guess the 'a' is the ear and the loop comes out as the trunk or something). Derived from this, apparently, are "r@" (a reactionary republican), "b@" (a black republican (which I didn't believe rare enough to warrant a term of its own)), "c@" (a conservative republican, as opposed to a "l@" (a liberal republican)), "m@" (a militant republican), and "s@" (a southern republican). It's more of a hieroglyph than a word, I suppose (technically), but I thought I'd submit it.

e.g., "So, this new guy: is he a r@, a c@, or a l@?"

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

@ddress - E-mail address, to differentiate between electronic and snail-mail addresses.

e.g., I have a new @ddress. Please update your address book.

submitted by melofelo

@dotcom - An e-mail address.

e.g., "Whats your @dotcom?" "I don't know if it already exists or not."

submitted by wes

ńit-ńit - Used to describe an small object without identity; almost synonymous to the word "thing," but less vague.

e.g., Upon seeing a scrap of paper on the ground: "Chris, pick up that "ńit-ńit."

submitted by Alek

Übercrombie - A brand of clothing worn by popular but incredibly stupid faeries. Can also be applied to equally stupid humans.

e.g., Übercrombie makes lots of money.

submitted by The ghost of Jam Master Jay

übersmüth - Something very smooth in a German kinda way.

e.g., Your leiderhosen complement your übersmüth Heineken.

submitted by jett - (www)

[g]own - Getting owned in some form of competition by a noobsicle. An extreme form of ownage. Originated in Menomonie, WI.

e.g., Sean just got [g]owned by the Gov-Dogg in ping pong.

submitted by Joshua K.

[insert adjective here]-dog - Gratuitously add "dog" to the end of any kind of descriptive. Purely for emphasis.

e.g., Oh, that guitar riff was rock-dog. What a funk-dog bass line that was. I painted my bedroom walls purple-dog. That is one whop-dog haircut, man. . . .

submitted by Caoimhe

[invitatation] - An invitation, explicit or implicit, from a female (girl or woman) to fondle (or at least touch her breasts) her breasts, her tata's.

e.g., She ended up having me charged with sexual assault, but I have absolutely no doubt that she had given me an invitatation before I laid a hand on her. Next time -- if there is a next time -- I'll get it in writing.

submitted by [invitatation]

[to] gwik - (v.) To research a term or phrase, using Google or Wikipedia.

e.g., John asked me what I meant by "to grok," but I didn't have time. I told him to gwik it if he was that interested.

submitted by Rip Waechter

^ - (Pronounced "comp-Q," "net-Q," "cyber-Q," "expo-Q," "Q-ponent," "allo-Q," "lift," "raiser," and, of course, "caret."; noun) 1. The symbol for a question mark in file names where an actual question mark ("?") cannot be used because in cyber-speak, being used recognizes it as, e.g., a wildcard or a boolean marker, and thus will not permit use of the character as part of a file name; 2. A question mark for a question couched in declaratory form. [Apparently from the caret's pointing upward, showing a rising tone.]

e.g., The name of a file containing a photograph of the Artemision Bronze: "Poseidon^ or Zeus^" | "I wonder whether she ever found her way back to that mysterious pub she always talked about^"

submitted by Scott M. Ellsworth

~ - Not. If I'm recalling correctly, this symbol was used in some of my math classes to mean "not." | The symbol is sometimes used to indicate "approximately equal to." In the pd, I've used it to indicate an approximation to what someone said instead of a quotation: see said~. I've also used it to mean "is related to." You can usually figure out what its use means from context, but perhaps not always.

e.g., Sex without commitment is like instruments without music. ~ Frederick the Great | A note at fantasmic: "ED. An opportunity taken to be overly pedantic -- to show when 'such as' should be used instead of 'like.' 'Like' ~ comparison, resemblance, similarity; 'such as' ~ inclusion."

submitted by HD Fowler

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«girl's name» - An obsession with something you can never have. Almost all teenage boys have a|an «girl's name».

e.g., That sexy chick which works at Hot Topic is my «girl's name».

submitted by Stone Merchant

«let's not and say we did.» - Years ago I impetuously came up with one of my boneheaded ideas, saying to my wife, "Let's do such-and such." She said, "Let's not and say we did." It's become a catchphrase in e-mails I write to a friend. I use it almost like a word when I decide to redact something I've written to her. Entering in the pd because another friend thinks it's a wonderful saying. The three of us have known each other for well over 60 years -- but I've never dated either of them.

e.g., You may get an e-mail I've written; you may not. If you do, it more than likely will have a couple of «Let's not and say we did.»s in it.

submitted by HD Fowler

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